The Reality of Our Lives

Trauma Bond

Shanae was excited that Jaden had come running to her after getting into trouble. Deep down, she had always felt uneasy about the way things ended between them, especially when Jaden went on to build a family with Chelsea. A part of Shanae had always believed that she was the one he was really supposed to be with.

Now, everything finally seemed to be aligning.

Except for one thing...

Shanae already had a boyfriend.

She and her boyfriend, Justin, had been together for about six months, and he had treated her better than Jaden ever had. As far as she knew, there hadn't been any infidelity in their relationship. Justin had given her no real reason to betray him.

But now, the person she had once been deeply in love with had suddenly come back into her life.

And Shanae had no idea what she was supposed to do.

It's a Saturday night, and it's raining. Jaden turns on a movie in Shanae's room for them to watch together. He's lying under the covers while Shanae continues to lie on top of them.

Jaden puts his head in her lap and kisses her hand.

"Did you really miss me?" he asks while repeatedly kissing her hand.

Shanae smiles nervously. "Of course."

He starts rubbing her legs before moving down to massage her toes.

"I like how you got your toes painted my favorite color."

Shanae knows things are becoming more intense, but if she says what's really on her mind, she knows it'll change their entire night. On one hand, she wants to be with Jaden. On the other, she wants to be faithful to Justin.

As much as she wants to tell Jaden to stop, she's loving the affection he's giving her.

After massaging her toes, Jaden asks her to get under the covers with him. She hesitates for a moment.

"I'm not going to bite you," he assures her.

Shanae finally gets under the covers, and Jaden begins cuddling her. While they're lying there together, he starts kissing her neck and rubbing on her.

Shanae grabs his hand and stops him.

"What's wrong? Am I doing too much?"

"No," she says, although she sounds unsure.

Jaden looks at her, kisses her on the forehead, and says, "Okay."

He agrees to just watch the movie with her.

Shanae looks a little frustrated. A few minutes later, after contemplating what she wants to do, she turns around and kisses Jaden.

They start making out, but when Jaden begins removing his clothes, Shanae stops him.

Jaden looks confused. He lies back down and stares at Shanae, waiting for an explanation, but she simply turns her attention back to the movie.

"Is it that time of the month?" Jaden asks nervously.

Shanae looks over at him awkwardly. "Why you ask that?"

"You kissing me and then stopping me. We don't have to do anything. It's your body, your choice. I was just asking."

Shanae lays her head on his chest without answering.

They continue watching the movie while Jaden gently runs his fingers through her curls.

A few moments later, he notices tears falling from Shanae's face and landing on his tank top.

"What's wrong?"

Shanae suddenly starts sobbing.

"Did I hurt you?"

She only cries harder.

Jaden sits up and pulls her into a hug.

"We don't have to do anything, Nae. I'm sorry if I was being overly sexual."

"That's not it," she manages to say.

"Then what's wrong?"

Her voice shakes as she cries.

"Why you come back like everything is okay when you left me by myself? You left me after everything. I used to drop everything to be there for you. I was there all the times you needed me."

Jaden hugs her tighter, saying nothing as he listens to her cry and finally vent about everything he's done to her.

He knows she's telling the truth.

Shanae had always been there for him. Before Jaden even had his own car, she was there for every drug deal and every play he had to run. She had shown up for him in ways Chelsea never had.

As Jaden holds her, the guilt starts eating at him.

I know I messed over Shanae. I strung her along through all my mess with Chelsea. I got physical with her. I did so much damage to her, and now that I'm at my lowest, I called on her again after taking so much from her.

Seeing Shanae crying like this makes Jaden feel like leaving is the right thing to do.

"It's best if I just go. I'm sorry for all of this."

He gets up and grabs his backpack.

Shanae stops crying as she watches him head toward the door.

"You came back just to leave again?" she cries.

"No, I didn't. But I get it. I did a lot of damage, and I don't deserve to have you do anything for me. I feel you. I'm just going to go to Shakira's house."

Jaden tries to give Shanae one final hug.

Instead, Shanae kisses him.

Jaden kisses her back, and the two begin making out again before eventually going back into her room.

⸻

I thought I could tell Jaden what was really going on. I thought I could tell him that I had a boyfriend.

But I didn't.

Because the truth was, I wasn't ready to let Jaden go.