The Boy Across the Street (Brendon Urie)

Epilogue

Rebecca's POV

*5 years later*

Looking back at graduation day I wouldn't change anything. That following week was tough. Well those following months were tough. Nothing was ever simple with Brendon. He always kept me on my toes. Man he was a wild one. We both were. It kinda makes me smile how dumb and naive I was. Name a teenaged girl in love who isn't naive and stupid though.

You guys might be curious on our story perhaps. Well, as you've probably caught on by now it's long and tiring the two of us. We can never seem to get it right. Just two stupid teenagers too selfish and in love to care about the aftermath of any poor decisions.

After graduation we didn't really discuss the fact that Brendon would be gone in a few days. We cherished everyday we had, though they were numbered. They were spent with smiles on our faces on the contrary of the past months that were spent miserably. I miss those days before all the touring.

The boys got big like I knew they always would. It seemed to get harder and harder to not get tired and worn out from the constant distance. Yeah Brendon tried to keep contact. We both did, but their were more days apart than together. When you spent so much time without someone and grow accustomed to living your life without them, it's hard to keep contact.

We'd call but there were more nights of yelling and fights than love and affection. We always drew back to each other. After everything we had made it this far. During high school I was always so afraid of him leaving, but I didn't know what was better, being able to hold onto something so unattainable or being able to let go of something that was already gone.

We stressed each other out so much. We were bad for each other but at the same time exactly what we needed. It was unhealthy and exhausting. He had my head spinning. I don't know if I took the distance harder or he did, but none the less it was hard on both of us.

I always kept up with Ryan too. Ryan always told me how Brendon was doing when Brendon and I were fighting or when he wasn't able to talk. Ryan kept me sane. Trying to balance the college life and having a rockstar boyfriend was not easy. Whoever said it would be though? Honestly I needed some kind of handbook.

Brendon could never help himself. The drugs, the alcohol, and he could never keep himself out of the press. It always hurt to hear stuff out of the tabs before him or just to hear him say they were true. He always was hurting me, never intentionally but it was just his careless selfish attitude and the constant need for self destruction. I never blamed him though, it was always my fault or the substances or the touring. I always found an excuse for him.

One night he called me at 4am from wherever he was. He was a mess. He was probably drunk or high but most likely both. He kept telling me how hard it was. He told me how stressed he was and that he was sinking. He told me that he loved me. He cried and I cried too. He made me crazy and I never wanted to let him go, but I was tired. He was tired.

I couldn't go pretending that we'd make it work when everything around us said differently. We were falling apart. We never said it that night but it was a mutual agreement that we both were done pretending. I cried so hard. The only thing I wanted that night was for him to hold me and to make everything okay, but reality was the painful way of life I was discovering to be everywhere I turned each and every day.

That night was a night I'll never forget. That was the night we faced our fears together head on and it fucking hurt. That was the night two teenagers realized fairytales aren't realistic.
That was the night I learned that love isn't about letting someone choke the life out of you.

Brendon taught me a lot about love. He taught me that love wasn't a walk in the park. I will never love someone as much as I loved that boy, because I never let someone choke the life out of me like he did. I stuck by him through everything. The drunken phone calls, the hurtful words, and all the times it felt like the last straw, I was always there for him again and again.

I may be making him look bad, but to be honest it wasn't his fault. I never made it easy. I was always mad at him for leaving and being away even though it was never his fault. He was always so hard on himself for that too. He seemed to always place the blame on himself which started his constant desire for self destruction. He always blamed himself for my hurting. Which it was his fault, because it hurt to see him hurt. It was an endless cycle. He'd hurt himself, it'd hurt me, so he'd hurt himself.

It was exhausting. We loved each other. I loved him more than anyone and that's the only reason I held on for so long. We had our moments that made it seem like we'd finally worked it out, but it was always too good to be true. I still don't know if it hurt more to let go or hold on.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't still love him. It's been three years since we split and Ryan says he still asks about me. I'm not surprised. To everyone he may seem like such a huge rockstar, but to me he's just the boy across the street I fell in love with.

I still go to their shows. I still listen to their music. I still love them. I haven't talked to Brendon since that night he called. It's been three long years since then.

I'm done with college now, and I work as a photographer or blogger I guess. I have a blog and travel the world taking pictures of everything I see. I really got into photography in college and it turned into being my passion, my safe haven. I got my life somewhat together and I'm happy with it.

Now when I think back to Brendon, I just smile. So much life was lived with him. He helped me through so much, but he also put me through so much. Somedays it feels like he'll call, but he never does.

Ryan's told me he's met a girl named Sarah. He said that he hasn't been this crazy about a girl since me. I'm kind of glad. He deserves to be happy. I just hope it ends up being better than what we had. I don't think he can go through what we put him through again. He looks madly in love with her.

I haven't found that yet. I've had a few boyfriends over the years but nothing ever serious. I'm married to my job, and that's fine because it truly makes me happy.

Ryan's been unhappy with his job so he quit the band and now he travels with me around the world capturing the beauty in every culture we see. 

Ryan told me that Bren would creep up on my blog after we broke up. Sometimes I wonder if he still does. I wonder if it angers him that I travel with Ryan.

I don't really know what Ryan and I are, all I know is we're happy, and that's enough for me. It's what I've been searching for a long time now.

This story isn't about love.

This story isn't about pain.

This story isn't about how, "love is evil!"

This story is about learning from your past experiences and making the best future you can for yourself.

This story is about getting yourself out of the gutter because you won't always have someone there when you fall, and that's okay. You don't need them.

This story is about cherishing memories and knowing that it doesn't always works out, and that's okay.

This story is about the boy across the street.