The Boy Across the Street (Brendon Urie)

Chapter 27: My Dear Friend

Brendon's POV
Once the phone went dead, I tossed it on the seat next to me. I let out a sigh and a little smile. I just confessed everything. There were no secrets anymore. I had no feelings to hide now. Maybe I was a mad man for smiling even though the women I loved was in a completely different country, but at least I expressed what I had felt all that time she was away.
After the realization that I'm an idiot for letting this amazing woman leave, my smile turned into an expression of disappointment. Everything wasn't how it was meant to be. Nothing was fixed. Is this how life is? Is it just supposed to be bottled up unsure, unspoken, emotions and frustration? Well, I guess I checked emotions off the list.
I was confused on how we got here. It felt like we were driving on a road with sudden uncontrolled spiraling that lead to crashing into reality, but we were just in the moment of the crash unsure of how it will pan out after that point. Maybe that'd be the end. The end of ourselves. It doesn't matter what would happen in two months. Sometimes life just stops. Not physically of course, unfortunately clocks only go forwards, and never to the past. I wish I could be like a clock. Always moving forwards. I would be strong and reliable. Not always taking three steps back or jumping ahead.
I guess that's life though, always leaving us with unfinished stories. I don't know if this was the end. I just don't know if this story could continue. I know it'll end with pain. Most stories end with a happy ending, but I'm just trying to keep it real. My hope was running out. I smiled with a burning feeling of pain in my chest. Not the smile of love, but the smile of truth. Yes, I loved her. I loved her enough to let this all go.
There's only so much you can shield yourself from. Emotions are always uncontrolled. You can't demand yourself to feel a certain way. Pain will be felt, and it never vanishes. It fades and rises. Sometimes the way you feel can't be wept or expressed through a smile. No one will ever be sure of what's inside of you. The mystery is kept a secret from you as well. You will be confused. You will be angry.
Maybe I should just stop this all before either of us end up in ruins. I already am. I'm done with hope. It's never gotten me anywhere, but with my expectations shattered by the true reality called "life." If I keep wishing and praying that this will work out I'm just a fool.
I looked at the deserted road ahead of me. I looked to my right with the high drop off the cliff gave in mind. "This could all be done now." I thought. It'd end the same way it started. With a car crash. I gripped the steering wheel with no emotion in my eyes. I felt everything inside. I knew what I was doing. I smiled one last time. My hands didn't tremble with fear. That was the scariest part. I let go of my mind, my thoughts. I let my body control how this would pan out. It's just like I said. We were in the middle of the crash unsure how it'd pan out. Now you understand where I'm at. Now you understand. I'll leave you with my same questions. The questions of where the story ends. You see, I'm unsure as well. My pain is now yours. Our thoughts we share. You may think I'm cruel to rid you with such distress, but now you know my dear friend life. He's often mistaken as cheery and wonderful, but he carries the same burden as me and now you. I apologize, but I don't have answers to give. I hope my friend that turned on me will never do the same to you...