The Boy Across the Street (Brendon Urie)

Chapter 30: Waking News

Brendon's POV

I woke up in a hospital room. Oh great, not this again. I laid back in the bed closing my eyes in frustration. A nurse walked into the room. "Your friend is here to see you." She smiled. I rubbed my face and sighed. "Okay." I looked back at her leaving the room. How was I going to explain what happened? Was I going to straight up say I decided to roll my car off a cliff?

Becca came into view and ran towards me, engulfing me in a hug. "I missed you." She smiled and squeezed me tightly. She pulled away and grabbed my face planting a kiss on me. This was the first time I didn't feel a single spark from the contact of her lips. I pulled back and looked at her confused. She returned to me the same expression. "What's wrong?" She inquired. "Um...nothing. I'm just a bit shaken, I guess..." I rubbed my eyes again. I didn't know how to explain everything to her. I didn't know how to explain that I wasn't the same person she fell in love with.

"Oh." She said pulling back from our embrace. "I did just kinda attack you right after you woke up from a car accident." She awkwardly chuckled. I could tell that she noticed something wrong. I smiled at her. "Yeah, you did." I tried to hide my tired eyes and sore body. I broke my left knee, my right shin, a couple of ribs, and my left forearm. I had a scratched up face and a pretty black eye to top it off. I cut open my arms a bit from all the glass, but other than all that I was fine.

She brushed her finger over my cut lip and gave me a sympathetic look. I tried to play along with her actions. "I'm truly fine." I smiled. "No you're not and you need to quit driving like a maniac." She said in a very serious tone. "What happened anyway?" She asked. I felt like a deer in headlights, but my face showed no resemblance or indication of this. "I saw a squirrel in the middle of the road and tried to swerve out of it's way, but I pulled the wheel too much to my right and broke the railing but a boulder stopped me from going over the cliff." I halved lied. She sighed and said, "Well at least you're okay."

I hated lying to her. She has done no wrong to deserve the news of her lover having no affection or compassion towards her any longer. How do you explain that to a girl who has been through too much already? A girl with almost no sparkle left in her eyes. A girl who lights up whenever you say her name or the words, "I love you." I wanted to love her the way I used to but how could I love someone when I couldn't even love myself? I don't know how I got this way but it just happened... I don't even know what the word "love" meant anymore. All I knew was, I couldn't use the word again.

"What's wrong?" Becca asked again while grabbing my hands. "I don't love you." I spat out rushed and rash without a single thought put into my actions. My eyes went wide with curiosity and regret of the events to follow these words. She was utterly speechless while her gaze went to the window left of us. Her face went stern and she clenched her jaw. She didn't say a single word as a tear slipped her eye. I didn't know what to do.

Her expression turned to a pained smile. Another tear slipped her eye. She pressed her lips together and shook her head. A laugh escaped her mouth, but not a joyous one. She let go of my hands and got up from the bed. "They never do." She turned away and walked out the door.

I didn't know how to explain it to her. I don't even know how to explain how much pain I felt to see her cry. I've caused that girl so much pain. Sometimes I wish I never met her. Not for my sake, but for her's. Her life would be so much better without me. She has been everything for me and yet here I am being nothing but trash for her. She deserves more than me.

Ryan walked into the room with a very confused look. "What the fuck just happened?" He asked. Ryan. He was my best friend. He was there for me through everything. Here he was with me at my worst. Here I am confused with my previous actions and confused about my feelings. I decided to explain to Ryan about me and Becca. I wasn't going to get into the suicidal attempt I decided to take.

"I...I just don't love her. I don't know why Ryan! I don't know anything anymore! It's unfair of me to do this! It's unfair of me to do this to her! I hate myself! I fucking hate myself! What is wrong with me? Why do I do this to such an amazing girl? She has never done anything to deserve this treatment, but here I am giving it to her! I don't want to lie to her! She deserves more than that! She deserves more than me!" I took a breath and realized the tornado I just spoke into existence.

Ryan was silent for a bit. He looked back up at me. "You mean to tell me that, you move in across the street from this girl. You fall in love with her. You then kiss Veronica, the person that hates her probably the most. You then get in a car accident which leads her to find out she loves you back even after you kissed Veronica. She tells you about how nervous she is about our band taking off. Tells you she's cheating on you so that you'll forget about your feelings for her. After she tells you that, you fuck Veronica to get back at her. You never stopped loving her and when you realized she lied, you still let her move across the country anyway. Even though she wanted to stay with you. Then you decide to be a retard and almost get yourself killed in another car accident but instead of starting a relationship after you almost died, you decided to end it?" He sighed. "What're you doing?" He asked shaking his head in confusion and probably disappointment.

"The thing is, I don't know anymore..." I looked down at the floor. What am I doing?