It's not just complicated, it's a disaster

Disaster (Chapter Seventeen)

Chapter Seventeen

Zeke’s P.O.V

I just wanted to swear out loud, not move for one, and sleep. All I knew was that my head hurt too much to move. I then felt something cold on my head and it made me jump, and I then felt the coldness disappear.

“Zeke?”

The voice was calm, soothing... it made me want to open my eyes. So slowly I did and I turned my head to see an orange blur. Wait, orange... hair? Alex!

“Alex?” I whispered.

“Oh, thank blood God. I thought you were never going to walk up and then my dad would walk in... and could you imagine how that ended?” she muttered.

I held onto my head and sat up. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?” she asked surprised. “You tried to drag me to your car, but Buff punched you.”

“Right,” I nodded slightly. “Now I remember.”

She sighed and placed the ice pack back on my head. Only two days ago we were in this same kind of situation. This time I might not have been the one to start the fight... by now it seemed that I was also going to be the one left with injuries.

“What time is it?” I asked her.

“Late,” she answered. “You’ll have to stay here.”

I sighed slightly. “This wouldn’t have happened if you have just come.”

“If I had-?” she choked out. “You’re the one who tried to drag me along. Buff thought you were hurting me.”

“And you’re not hurting me?” I asked her.

She stiffened and I saw her suck in a breath. She took the ice pack off my head and put next to me. She stood up and walked around the room slightly.

“That’s different,” she eventually muttered.

“It all hurts,” I told her.

“What are you trying to do?” she snapped, facing me. “Make me feel guilty or something?”

“No, I’m trying to get you to talk. I don’t know what happened, Alex,” I said.

“You don’t need to know what happened other than we’re over,” she said simply.

“Why? Did you end it because you couldn’t stand me saying ‘I love you’ to you... because if that bothered you let me tell you it bothered me more,” I said angrily. “Or maybe it was the fact that I lived in a different country, which in that case you know I’d completely understand... maybe it’s just me, I’m not good enough for you.”

“No!” she yelled at me. “It’s not you... you are amazing and there is some girl out there who deserves you a lot more than I ever did.”

“Alex, you’re not listening to me,” I said. “I don’t want any other girl, in my eyes you’re more than I’d deserve.”

“You’re wrong,” she whispered.

I watched her for a moment as she sat down on the chair at her computer desk. The look on her face told me she meant what she had just said. She really believed something stupid like that.

“I’m not her anymore, Zeke,” she told me. “What you fell in love with no longer exists.”

“And you just saying that to make me hate you, to make me not love you anymore?” I said blankly.

“I’m saying that so you understand,” she muttered.

“Well, I don’t, so you’re not doing a very good job of explaining, Alex. All I know so far is that you’re trying to push me away,” I told, trying to stand up.

“Hey!” she said, rushing over to me.

She pushed me back on down on the bed so I was lying down. She put the ice pack back to my head and I felt her hand brush against mine.

“Don’t stand up,” she whispered. “You need to relax.”

“I’m fine,” I muttered.

“You’re not fine... Zeke, you were knocked out,” she reminded me. “You’ll never stand a chance in a fight.”

“Yet I’ve managed to get into two in the last couple over days,” I said.

“I need it to stop,” she said.

“Why?”

“Just because I’m not with you anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t care about your well-being. It’s not safe to get into fights... especially because of me.”

“Alex, I don’t know what to do... I need to protect you from Austin, I need to protect you from...”

“Myself?” she suggested. “What exactly where you protecting me from tonight, Zeke? Did you do what you did for me, or for yourself?”

I opened my mouth to speak but shut it again when I remembered the thoughts that had run through my head. I remembered thinking that I couldn’t see her like I had once before, that to me it was horrible... only to me.

“You’re not trying to protect me, you’re trying to protect yourself,” she told me. “You can’t stand to see me they way I am, I get it, so you try and change things, but you need to understand that things can’t change.”

“I know they can.... they did between us, we just used to be friends,” I reminded her.

“We were never just friends, Zeke. You know that, we were always more,” she said. “Things only grew, they didn’t change.”

“But they’ve changed now?” I guessed.

“Yes,” she nodded.

“They haven’t for me,” I admitted. “I... I’m-... I’m still in love with you.”

She tightened up and when I felt her hand brush over mine I knew it was on purpose this time. I saw inhale and her stomach suck in. It took her a moment to then breathe out and then she started to nod.

“I know,” she said eventually. “Heck, everyone knows.”

“You don’t think I’ve tried to get over you? I’ve tried to change things?” I asked her softly.

“That’s kind of hard to believe, Zeke,” she said.

“Well, I have,” I said plainly.

“From the day you ended it, until I day I got her, I tried so hard to forget you, to not feel the way I do. I hate admitting it to myself, I hate saying it out-loud... it makes me feel weak, but when with you, I don’t care if you see my weak side... I feel comfortable around you,” I explained.

“I always felt like I could tell you everything,” she said. “You always told me more though... you always opened up, and that was something I could never do.... something I still can’t.”

“If I promise to stop hassling you, to stop getting into punch up’s over you... do you promise to eventually tell me?” I asked hopefully.

“That will take time,” she told me.

“I know... and I can wait,” I nodded.

“I may never tell you, you know,” she muttered.

“I know, but I’m never going to stop trying,” I told her.

She nodded and got off the bed and slowly started walking to the bedroom door.

“But I’ll protect you from Austin, I can’t let that creep get you,” I told her.

I could see her smile slightly even though I couldn’t see all her face. It’s not often you get a smile out of her. She turned to door handle and as halfway out of the door when I spoke again.

“I love you.”

She turned to look at me. It was hard to see her in the dark, but I swear I saw tears flare in her eyes as she answered.

“I know.”