It's not just complicated, it's a disaster

Disaster (Chapter Twenty Eight)

Chapter Twenty Eight

Zeke stared at me for a second and just blinked. I stood there, wiping the tears away from my eyes. One of my hands had curled into a fist to control my anger, but I had feeling I was only going to yell some more.

“I...Ho- It didn’t mean anything,” Zeke eventually said.

“Didn’t mean anything?!” I yelled back at him. “When does it mean nothing, huh?! When the lights are off? When you can’t see who she is? When you wake up not remembering it? Or how about when you doing it just for the fun of it?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Zeke muttered.

“Like what? Like us?” I asked him.

“Alex.... it happened the night after you broke up with me. It happened because you broke up with me. I was upset, so my friends took me out for some drinks... I was upset and I got drunk... I didn’t mean for it to happen,” he explained. “How did you even find out?”

“She always was jealous of me. The first time I meet her, she pulled me aside and told me that I wouldn’t last as your American girlfriend... that soon the long-distance wouldn’t last, we’d break up, and she’d have you,” I muttered. “So when we did break up, and you did sleep with her, she just couldn’t wait to tell me.”

Zeke looked at me shocked as he took in what I said. It was all just flowing out of me. I had been keeping this all hidden for a long time, and I’ve always wanted to just get it out of me.... but I didn’t think I would, like this.

“She meant nothing to me, Alex. It was drunken mistake... and we weren’t even together anymore,” he reminded me.

“I know... but it shows how loyal you are that you can just go to some other chick the moment after I end it,” I said.

“You know that’s not true,” he said slowly.

Now, I was really crying. I couldn’t control myself anymore. It actually.... hurt, and it sucked. I knew this time why I was crying. The thought of him with something else.... when he apparently still loved me.

“Is it the reason?” Zeke asked.

“What?” I breathed.

“Well, it can’t be the reason you broke up with me, right? It was after,” Zeke said.

“I told you, it’s my fault... this just hurt,” I whispered.

“You know that if I could go back and change things, I would,” Zeke muttered. “But after that night, I never spoke to her again... I don’t have any feelings for her.... I love you.”

 “I need you to let me go,” I breathed.

That made him confused, but it just made me cry more.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered, walking closer to me.

“I need you to stop telling me you love me. I need you to stop trying to hold onto us... us is gone... right now, I need you let me go, so I can get on with my life,” I told him.

He shook his head slightly. “Let you go?”

“Yes,” I nodded, wiping my tears away. “The longer you hold onto me, the harder it is for me to move on. Until you let go, I’m stuck with this thought, I’m stuck trying to get through life knowing that I hurt someone the way I hurt you. I let you go, now I need you to do the same.”

He just stood there, watching me cry, watching all these emotion flood out of me. He was shocked, scared confused... I couldn’t really tell what was going on in his head.