It's not just complicated, it's a disaster

Disaster (Chapter Thirty Two)

Chapter Thirty Two

Alex’s P.O.V

For nearly a whole week I didn’t show my face again. I enjoyed what was left of the holidays, did some homework... studied, and continued to plan Claire’s wedding. Now school was back on there was no way I could avoid anyone.

I still wanted to talk to Zeke... tell him what I needed to tell him. I decided I’d do it before school... get it over and done with. I found Zeke near his locker and I breathed and walked up to him.

“Can we talk?” I asked him.

He looked at me for a second and then nodded. He followed me outside to the front of the school... it was somewhere where no one would hear the conversation we were about to have.

I stood awkwardly for moment, playing with my fingers and then I heard Zeke clear his throat and I looked up.

“What did you want to talk about?” Zeke asked.

I breathed and I felt my eyes start to sting and right then I knew I was going to cry.

“Whoa, Alex, what’s wrong?” Zeke said, trying to step forward.

“No, no, Zeke,” I said, stepping back. “After this you’re not going to want even look at me.”

“Alex, what the hell is going on?” Zeke demanded.

I leant against the tree and rubbed my eyes and tried breathing again. I ran my fingers through my hair and looked up at him.

“How do even start this?” I asked myself. “Well... it’s a while back.... just after I got back from Australia, second time visiting you and... well, I saw Blake and he was upset and completely just broken down... he said Tara and him at broken up and he had no idea why. I did what any best friend did... I took him out and well... got drunk.”

“Alex,” Zeke whispered.

He knew it was coming.... I knew it was coming and I really started to cry. “It got late... and I said I couldn’t go back to my place and then Blake said no one was at his... so we went there...”

“Alex, you didn’t.” His face begged me to lie... he knew... he could tell.

“I don’t remember much... I remember trying to comfort Blake, making jokes.... kissing him,” I barely managed to say those last words.

“Alex... no,” Zeke whispered. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

“I woke up the next morning and realised what had happened,” I muttered.

“You slept with him,” Zeke summed up.

I nodded and then just cried and I waited for him to react. He ran his fingers through his hair and I could see him getting upset, but yes, when he got upset he got angry since it was nearly impossible for him to cry.

“And this is why... everything happened... why you broke up me?” he asked.

I nodded and tried my hardest to breathe. “I... I didn’t want to hurt you... I didn’t you to feel the pain.... it was my mistake.”

“You didn’t keep this from me to protect me, you did it because you didn’t want to feel the pain of me breaking up with you! You wanted to spare yourself the pain, and me me feel it all!” he yelled.

I gulped. I had to stay strong... I knew he’d be mad.... I knew it was only going to get worse.

“No.... Zeke, I was going to tell you. I just... I just thought that if I could let you go, you would never have to know,” I whispered.

“So why are you telling me now? Why are making me feel like this?” he asked, frustrated.

“When you kissed me... I was done pretending that I don’t feel anything... the moment I broke up with you nothing changed.”

I watched Zeke for a moment as he got really made. He curled his hand into a fist and then... well punched a tree. He ran his fingers through his hair and then looked at the school and started to walk towards it.

“Zeke, what are you doing?” I asked, running after him.

“Giving Blake what he deserves,” he said through his teeth.

“No! Zeke, this isn’t his fault,” I said, running in front of him and stopping him.

“Not his fault? Alex... it was both your faults,” Zeke whispered.

“Hurting him isn’t going to change anything,” I told Zeke. “It happened, Zeke... this... pain you’re feeling, it’s all on me, blame me, Zeke. Me.”

He looked down at me and I saw him catch in a moment of weakness. I was upset, crying, nearly completely helpless, and the way I felt, I knew Zeke wasn’t good at handling it. His instinct was to help me, keep me safe... protect me in such a way, but this time, it was different. In his moment of weakness he brought up his hands and brushed some tears away and then held onto cheeks. It took him a second and I didn’t say anything or stop him, I let him come to his senses and he stepped back and breathed. Yes, he just found out something that would make anyone as angry as he is, but it’s not like he can instantly stop loving me... that would last.

“What about Tara?” Zeke whispered.

“She doesn’t know yet, I left it up to Blake, it’s only fair,” I told him.

Zeke shook his head slightly. “This is why... it’s why you got so mad over the Evelyn thing.”

I nodded. “I’m not mad about that, I don’t have a problem with it, because I don’t blame you for any of it.”

“Then why-?” he asked confused.

“I wanted to throw you off, get you thinking about something else... I didn’t care, I was kind of hoping you had moved on... or at least rebounded,” I muttered.

“Well, I hadn’t... haven’t. Tara needs to know, now,” Zeke said.

“Let Blake do this, it’s going to be worse for them then it was for us,” I told him.

“I just can’t believe...” Zeke said through his teeth. “I can’t be here... I’ve got to get away from you.”

I didn’t say anything, how could I? It was finally out there, what I had done... a secret that Zeke did not think was possible. I combed my fingers through my hair, took a deep breath and set off toward to school to find the one person that I knew would comfort me throw anything, no matter what I is.

“Harriet!”

She spun around, noticed the tears and dropped her books in Kane’s hand and come over to me and hugged me.

“What’s wrong? What’s happened?” she asked me.

“I’ve done something... something, horrible, unforgivable,” I cried on her shoulder.

“It’s okay, Alex, you can tell me.”