It's not just complicated, it's a disaster

Disaster (Chapter Thirty Six)

Chapter Thirty Six

Alex’s P.O.V

“So.... hi, mum. I know it’s been a while. I’ve been busy crazy enough. Claire’s getting married and I promised I’d help her with the wedding and that’s just a disaster since I don’t know a lily from a rose. I’ve been focusing on school; I don’t want to let you down there.... but its days like today I wish you were still here. I know you’d know what to say to me to me feel better. I know I can’t fix what I’ve done, but I want to make things... better.”

I ran my fingers through my hair slightly and rocked slightly on my heels. Sometimes, when I spoke to my mum’s gravestone I felt weird about it. I mean, she couldn’t answer back, and she most likely couldn’t hear me, but on days like this, I liked to believe she could.

“I knew I’d find you here.”

I spun around ,slightly scared by the voice, and seeing the owner of it, didn’t calm me down much either.

“Zeke,” I breathed. “What are you doing here?”

“No one could find you, Alex, everyone was worried, and when Harriet told me you were upset I remembered you telling me that when things got hard to handle, you came here, to talk to your mum,” Zeke muttered.

“You remember,” I whispered.

“Just like I remembered that the gummy worms, the cookies and cream ice-cream and the over-chocolaty hot chocolate would make you feel slightly better,” Zeke said.

“You told Harriet to buy that stuff,” I nodded.

“I did,” he nodded. “I wanted to help.”

I didn’t say anything and nodded slightly. I turned back to face my mother’s grave stone and soon heard the sound of the grass crunch as Zeke made his way to me. I was aware he now stood next to me, but I did not look.

“When you told me... about the Blake thing, everything started to make sense,” Zeke told me. “You going to Florida was actually a good thing. It gave me time to think without you being there to distract me. I remembered how you said you didn’t want to hurt me, that I hadn’t done anything... and how upset you got over the Evelyn thing. That’s why you did it.”

“Did what?” I asked.

“Broke up with me,” he answered.

I didn’t reply. I stood there just staring at my mother’s grave stone.

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” I told him eventually. “Whenever I thought about it, I was sick to the stomach, and it hurt me to think about the way you’d react. I just thought it would be easier if I made a clean break, it’s like ripping a bandaid off really fast.”

“It was going to hurt no matter what, Alex, and it still does because I still love you,” Zeke told me.

I turned to face him. “You still-?”

“Yes,” he answered with a small smile. “I never stopped.”

I breathed and turned away from him again. What the hell is going on?

“Do you believe in second chances?” Zeke suddenly asked.

I frowned slightly. “I’d like to believe in them.”

“What if I said... I understand how everything happened with Blake. How sometimes things happen that you can’t control, and how I feel that exact same thing happened to me and I hurt you just as much as you hurt me,” Zeke whispered.

“But that’s not a good thing, everything can’t just go back to normal because we’re even,” I said.

“Then things won’t go back to normal,” Zeke said.