He sat down on Tadashi couch tiredly. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. Tadashi sat down beside him.
"Wanna talk about it?" Tadashi asked softly.
"They just don't get why I joined the Yakuza." He sighed.
"Why did you join the Yakuza?" Tadashi asked gently. He said nothing.
"If you did it to keep your friends safe, just know you're not gonna be able to get back out." Tadashi muttered darkly.
"I never said I did it to protect them." Suga argued.
"Suga. I know you. You did it to protect them. I did the same thing." Tadashi murmured.
"How'd it work out?" He asked quietly.
"Not well. I never got to leave. And everyone grew apart eventually. There was nothing left for me to protect. But there was nothing to do but stay." Tadashi shrugged and leaned back.
"But you're so loyal to Daichi, and you...you kill those people." Suga finished quietly.
"I fucking hate the old cocksucker. He's the whole reason I have to do this shit. But what am I gonna do? Kill him and get myself killed too? No, that's stupid." Tadashi scoffed. Suga was shocked, did Tadashi really think that way?
"I don't want to kill those people. The only way I can stomach it is by getting mad." Tadashi sighed and leaned his head back.
"You really think like that?" Suga murmured. It was too hard to believe.
"I was the one who convinced Daichi to even give you the opportunity. You think you guys actually got us that first day? We're the Yakuza. That was a shitty plan if you ask me." Tadashi chuckled.
"If you know why I joined the Yakuza, why do you trust me?" He asked.
"Because I know you're a good person, and you won't let someone you care for down." Tadashi smiled at him like an older brother. He had always been the older brother, it felt nice to be the irresponsible one for a change..
"Who said I cared for you?" He muttered. Tadashi mussed his hair,
"Okay."
"Why did you do it?" Tadashi asked suddenly.
"What?" Suga looked over at Tadashi.
"How'd you kill him?" Tadashi asked. He looked away,
"My dad was always drunk. My mom was really my only parent. My dad got drunk one day and drove my mom and my twin brother and sister to the zoo. They got in a huge car crash that he caused. He was the only survivor. He didn't even spend a night in jail for what he did." Suga felt anger boil up again, but it dissipated when he thought about his father's limp body lying on the ground.
"I'm sorry Daichi made you do it. Daichi's ruthless, but he was getting better. Daichi may seem awful, but really he's doing the best he can." Tadashi sighed.
"How so?" Suga asked doubtfully.
"Well, y'know Namjoon's mother? She wasn't really crazy. She killed herself. Daichi just didn't have the heart to tell Namjoon. He didn't want his son to hate her for leaving him. Daichi knew he was a bad father, but he didn't want Namjoon to be angry with his mother for willingly leaving her son." Tadashi murmured, remembering something.
"I can't believe...I always thought..." Suga trailed off in disbelief. It was an unbelievable suggestion, but Suga couldn't help but trust Tadashi. Tadashi was his friend. He trusted Tadashi with his life, and he knew it wasn't a mistake.
"Still. He shouldn't have made you do that. Neither of you deserved it." Tadashi sighed and put his arm around Suga's shoulders in a brotherly way. Suga felt himself waver, and he burst into tears.
"I'm a monster!" He cried.
"No. You did what you had to do." Tadashi reassured him firmly.
"I'm only doing this because I want Nari to have a normal life. I want her to be able to have a home and kids and a husband. What you're supposed to have in life! But she's stuck with me and I can't help but feel responsible. I want to pay her back, and this is the only way I know how. And I have to protect the others too! I have to make sure they don't see that I'm not coming home. I'm-I'm not coming home." Suga sobbed. Tadashi hugged him and patted his back.
"Then why'd you do it? This could've all been over. You could've gone home." Tadashi murmured.
"Because I want Nari to live a normal life. And I don't want Jin and Rapmon to be sad, I want them to not worry anymore. And I want I-Hope to be happy again. And I want Jungkook to have a childhood. And I want Jimin to find someone!" Suga cried loudly.
"That's not all your job." Tadashi hushed him.
"They can't do it themselves. They don't know how." He blubbered.
"You need to do it with them. You can't do it alone." Tadashi argued.
"But they'll never forgive me for everything that I've done. Tadashi...what if this is all for nothing?" Suga felt fear at the hopelessness of it all and trembled slightly.
"I don't know then. If you had all these doubts, why'd you do it?" Tadashi asked, bewildered.
"I think...because I knew you'd be disappointed if I couldn't. And because you believed in me." Suga murmured, remembering Tadashi's kind eyes and reassuring grins.
"I wouldn't have been disappointed." Tadashi whispered, trying to calm Suga.
"I just want things to go back." Suga finally whispered through the silence.
"I do too. But some things-some people, make that impossible." Tadashi sighed.
"I want Nari to be happy. And I don't want to fight with her." He complained.
"Then tell her you love her." Tadashi suggested simply.
"It's not that simple." Suga sighed.
"Nothing ever is." Tadashi agreed.
Nothing ever is.
