He tensed beneath her lips, but he slowly relaxed. She used his neck to pull herself as close as she could to him. It was intoxicating. No pill, or bottle, or needle could make her feel this good. Just the feeling of his lips colliding with hers. She breathed him in deeply, letting his scent wash over her like waves. She murmured his name softly and slowly he moved his hands from his sides to her hips. He pulled her forward and she gasped slightly. He mumbled quietly, and she couldn't make out what he said. She just kept kissing him. She couldn't stop. She wanted him to stay. She needed him right now. He bent his face down on hers and moved his hands from her hips to her face. He cupped her face in his hands and she could feel him falling into her. Her hands slipped to his chest and she gripped his shirt. She was falling too. And she loved it so much.
They kissed for a while longer. It felt so good. Nothing had changed. Nothing had been figured out. But no matter how cliche it seemed, nothing seemed to matter in his arms. She gripped the fabric of his shirt so tightly she thought she might rip it. He held her face up to his so gently, so very, very gently. Maybe... However, things were never that easy. Suddenly he ripped himself away from her and stumbled back, pushing her away. She was caught off guard and she tripped over herself until she slammed her back into the door painfully. She gasped loudly and winced. He was staring at her wildly and he was trembling slightly.
"Suga..." She trailed off. He shook his head,
"No. No. I can't. This can't. No." He couldn't string his words together and he was panting very hard. She clenched her fists and looked down. He stumbled over to her and tried again to get through her to the door.
"Please." He screeched.
"Stay." She murmured, refusing to look at him.
"Let me out!" He screamed and moved to push her to the ground. She slapped him hard. He stopped dead, surprised. Her hand left an irritated red mark on his pale skin. She pushed him away from the door and he stumbled back compliantly. She straightened herself up and looked at him with burning eyes.
"Fuck. No."
"I just-" he began.
"No! Listen to me, you big baby!" She screamed angrily. He shut his mouth and looked at her in awe.
"I don't know why I kissed Rapmon. It just felt right. He's my friend, I didn't want to hurt him. I had no idea you were going to walk through that door. You had been gone for weeks. You left me. You acted like you didn't love me. You wouldn't talk to me. So I acted irrationally and I was stupid. At first, I was angry at you for leaving, and I blamed you for making me so upset. Now, I know you had your reasons. You were scared and you felt too guilty to say anything. I'm not mad at you anymore. I know now that you couldn't talk to me until you were ready and I totally screwed everything up. I know that it's my fault. And you don't know how sorry I am. I've been hating myself everyday you've been gone. I don't care what you've done and I don't care about what you're going to do. I love you more than anything else in the world. Nothing's ever gonna change that. Nothing. So don't worry. You can talk to me, tell me anything. I'm sorry I hurt you. I love you. I never meant to hurt you." She finished with tears running down her cheeks, she wasn't even sure if it all made sense.
"You still did. I had nothing left. I was doing everything, for you. There was no other reason for everything I was doing besides you. And when I came to tell you that, you were...with someone else. You practically took everything I had given you, everything I had, and crushed it. Crushed it in your beautiful, beautiful hands, and you killed me. I don't feel anything anymore. I just feel hurt." He couldn't even look at her. She slid down the door and sobbed,
"I'm so sorry. There's nothing else I can say. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't know. I just want you to stay. I don't think I could bear it if you left again. After seeing you, I don't think I would live through it. I love you Suga. I love you so much, love doesn't even describe what I feel for you anymore. It's more than love. I can't be happy without you. I need you. You can't leave me again. I'll do anything. I don't love Rapmon. I don't love him. I don't. I just made a mistake. Can't you forgive me? Can't you take me back? Please Suga. I love you. No matter what you do, or what you have to do. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you stay here with me. You can't leave. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry. Tell me how I can make it better. I'll do anything. Please just don't leave again. Just please don't leave. I'm so sorry. Please." She sobbed softly. He said nothing. He didn't even look at her. So finally, with all the strength she could muster. She picked herself up and grabbed the doorknob. Slowly, she opened the door and stepped out of the way.
He could go now.
