The door slammed shut. She knew it was Jin. She cracked the door open and watched him. Rapmon met Jin in the living room.
"Jin, where have you been? Have you seen him? Is he okay?" Rapmon asked worriedly. She stepped out of their room slowly and quietly. Jin said nothing. He just pushed past Rapmon into his room.
"Jin, I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?" Rapmon sighed. She ached for him. Rapmon felt just as awful as she did. But she didn't think he hurt as much as she did. Jin had grabbed a few things from his room and was walking towards the door, he stopped when he saw her. He stared at her with contempt and sadness.
"Be grateful." Was all he said, before turning away and walking towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Rapmon asked.
"To see Misook." Jin yelled.
"You can't do that." Rapmon growled.
"It doesn't matter. I'm in the Yakuza now so fuck it." Jin waved him off.
"WHAT THE FUCK? WHY?" Rapmon screamed in shock and horror. Jin slammed the door in his face. Rapmon screamed in frustration, and kicked the wall.
"FUCK ME!" Rapmon screeched. Then he fell against the wall in defeat. She padded over to him and stood next to him. She didn't know what to do. It was probably all she was able to do. He turned to her and looked at her with sad eyes.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled. She just shook her head and slowly wrapped her arms around him. He clamped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. He held her so tightly, she burst into tears. She sobbed deeply and pressed herself against him. He gathered her up in his arms and carried her to her bedroom.
"It's okay." He mumbled. He sat down on the bed and held her in his lap. She sobbed against his chest,
"It's not okay."
He ran his fingers through her hair soothingly. She cried, for the hundredth time that day. She sobbed loudly, and she endured it in silence. Finally the sobs and the tears subsided and she could attempt to breath. He kept on holding her. She didn't want him to hold her anymore. She wanted Suga to hold her. She didn't want to lead him on anymore. She wanted to get her feelings straight. She wanted to stop the fighting and the crying and the confusion.
"Please let me go." She murmured. He did nothing.
"Please." She pleaded.
"Why?" He murmured into her hair.
"I love Suga. You know that. I don't know why I kissed you. I shouldn't have don't that. I didn't mean to lead you on. I just...I just wanted someone to act like they loved me. To act like they cared. Suga was gone. No one is ever here but you. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I just, I needed someone. It's awful. It's desperate. I used you. And I hate myself for it. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it. I don't want to hurt you, I never did. I just made a mistake." She murmured and hugged him in apology. He was tense and his eyes were dark and hooded.
"I know you love Suga. I knew that, but I couldn't help myself. I like you a lot. I care for you. I care for you very much. I know you didn't mean it. But you do realize...that now...you have to choose. And once you choose...you can't...you can't be near me." He mumbled and turned away from her, but he didn't let go. She had a sudden impulse to kiss him. To hold him and kiss him. She knew she would pine for Suga. She knew if she could get Suga back, she would. But, she wanted to do it. She felt like she should do it.
"I don't know what I want." She murmured and cupped his face in her hands. He looked at her, searching her eyes. She slowly pressed her lips to his. He sighed and fell into her almost immediately. She tried her best. This was wrong. This was so wrong. She cared for him, but not the way he cared for her. She was an awful person. She was terrible. What was wrong with her? What happened to her? She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips on Rapmon's harder. He murmured against her and she pulled away slightly.
"I know what I want." He mumbled shyly.
"What?" She murmured, kissing his neck.
"I want you."
She squeezed her eyes shut and slipped her lips from his neck.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered.
"It's okay. I-I don't mind." Rapmon stammered.
"It's not okay." She insisted.
"For me...it's a privilege to be used by you." He shrugged.
"Don't say that." She shook her head.
"I care for you very much. You might even say that I-" he began. She put a hand over his mouth.
"No." She shook her head. Slowly he removed her hand from his mouth.
"You might say that I love you." He whispered, leaning in to her.
"I can't say it back." She bit her trembling lip.
"I know." He breathed, moving a hand up to her cheek, "It just feels good to finally say it." He shrugged. She chuckled bitterly,
"What's left of my heart might break if you say it."
"Why?" He asked concerned, tilting his head so he was dangerously close to her.
"Because I broke his heart. I could see it in his eyes. Whatever he had left I destroyed. He's hollow. He doesn't feel anything but pain. I can see that, I'm not blind. He trusted me with so much, gave me so much. And I fucking destroyed him. I hate cheaters. I'm a cheater. I hate myself. I love him so much, but I'm so stupid I fucked it all up. I was stupid and scared that we wouldn't get through this bad spot. We always got through everything. I was stupid to think that he wouldn't come back. He always does, he never leaves forever, especially if someone here loves him. Now, he'll really leave. That's probably why Jin joined, to take his place. They're both so selfless. I'm the most selfish person I know. I kissed you because I wanted to. I know I'm using you, and I hate myself for it, but I do it anyways! You're better off without me. I'm a stupid, confusing mess, with a broken heart. And a broken fucking necklace...I...fuck." She whispered softly. Her voice quivered and grew smaller. Everything she had been feeling just tumbled out.
"Can I make it better?" He murmured breathily.
"I don't know." She knew what he was going to do. She wished he wouldn't.
"Let me try." He breathed and connected his lips with hers. She pulled away slightly.
"Nari." He murmured and pulled her back. She closed her eyes tightly and tears ran down her cheeks as he kissed her. Pull away! Pull away! But she didn't. She wrapped her hands around his neck and pulled herself closer. He slid his hands down to her hips and pressed the small of her back so she slid even closer. Pull away! Pull away! She was so selfish. She pressed her lips to his harder.
Goddammit! Pull away!
