I N K
D A Y 4 7
I know what you would say if I told you this...you'd say it was stupid, but you would ultimately say that it was my choice. You probably would like me less, but at this point, is that even possible? I've decided that, when I get the money, and when I turn 18, I want to get a tattoo. Not a tramp stamp, or a stupid heart decal on my hips or something...I want a tattoo that means something. I want to look at the tattoo, remember exactly why I got it, and know exactly what it means to me. I'm not looking to get a huge tattoo, either. I've decided that I want it somewhere on my arm, most likely on my wrist. I may even get on the palm of my hand, or on one of my fingers...you're probably wondering what kind of tattoo I want, huh? I want something to show that I'm strong, and that I'm proud, and that I got through something really difficult in life. I want to incorporate God into somehow...and I know if you were here, you'd tell me that's crazy, because Leviticus says you can't get tattoos... but I was always taught that Jesus saved us from the Old Testament, and besides...it's not flashy, it's obnoxious, and it's going to be something that I think long and hard about. People always say that when you get older, you regret tattoos...and that may be true, for some people. My tattoos aren't going to be in a place that gets all icky and saggy when I age. My tattoos are going to represent something important, something that I could never regret.
I have a couple of ideas...one of my favorites so far, is just the word "fighter" across my wrist in a really nice, elegant looking font. I am a fighter. Despite all the sadness I hid inside, despite all the issues I had, despite how many times I just wanted to give up, I kept going. I'm always going to be a fighter, because once you go through what I went through, you don't just forget about it. Unfortunetly, the urge to cut may stay with me all my life. I'm trying so hard, and I'm been cut-free for almost 2 months now. Since going into recovery, I've also grown into an emotional strong, stable young lady. I'm proud to be strong, and I'm proud to say that I don't just give up when things get tough anymore. I'm strong, and I fought against terrible urges caused by depression, that's why I'm a fighter. It's just one word, but it means so much. It's not flashy or anything, but it represents a huge part of me. I've learned to not try to run from my past, or try to pretend it never happened...because in the end, it all contributes to who I am. If I try and delete parts of my past, even the bad ones, I'd be so incomplete. I may not be proud of my past, per se, but I'm proud of how I am today, and how I was able to come out of such a dark place to grow and develop as a person.
Another idea for a tattoo I have is the infinity symbol with the words "love" written within the outline of symbol. Then, under that, a little cross. Obviously, that means that God's love infinite. God is love. This tattoo means a lot to me because whenever I needed Him, God was ALWAYS there. I can always count on God, even when things get really hard. When my depression was destroying me inside, I always knew that I had to get back to God. He was always there with open arms, and I eventually learned that no matter what the situation, following him and confiding in him is the best way to go. I used to battle with myself, trying to decide to keep feeding my temptation or to finally follow Christ. Now, I don't hestitate at all.
The most simple idea that I have is just a plain, black cross on my wrist or on one of my fingers. Obviously, this represents Christ. Jesus is such a big part of my life right now, and a cross would always remind me what he gave up for me, and how when ever I'm having trouble dealing with something, he's always there. When I was sad or upset before, I used to hurt myself and others. Now, I read the Bible. There's just SO much wisdom in the Bible, it's crazy. This might sound a little biased...but honestly, even if someone doesn't believe in Christ, reading the Bible is still beneficial because there is advice in there for literally EVERY situation. It really upsets me when people talk bad about the Lord and the Bible, and it turns out they haven't even read it. I really love helping people experience God's love, and helping them get more into His word. I think one reason why people don't want to put the effort in is because they think the Bible is "old" and "outdated". That's not true at all. I use an amplified Bible, which is basically the Bible translated into modern English...I've never come across as passage I can't apply to modern life. I really can't wait till the day I'm able to get a tattoo, and I know I have a lot of time to think about it...hopefully I'll come up with more ideas. Until then, I'm just going to keep living life and being happy!
YOU ARE READING
73 Days
Non-FictionA series of letters to a once best friend, a series of letters he may never get to read. There are 73 days in summer, and that means 73 days of change. From a suicidal, depressed, self-harm addicted teenager into a (hopefully) stable young woman, th...
