Love Strengthened Us

Chapter 24

A four hour flight home was as quiet as it could ever be. 

I tried to talk to Julian through it, but he shut me off, hell, he shut everyone off. He just shut himself down, trying to just sit with his thoughts I assumed. But I knew if he did that, it would eat him alive.

We sat in the taxi as it headed home, still quiet.

"Julian-"

"Sam I don't want to talk about it." He said, flipping through a magazine, flipping pages quickly and making it obvious that he wasn't even reading any of it.

"You're going to have to talk about it at some point Julian. It's okay to feel sad about the loss." I said, trying to comfort him, him sighing loudly.

"Can't you see me Sam? Of course I'm fucking sad, it fucking sucks." He said, his eyes locked on mine, frustration in his eyes and I finally just dropped it. 

He was going to obviously need more time.

We arrived back to the apartment and he dropped his things loudly before plopping down onto the couch, pulling his beanie off and sighing again. I took the seat next to him and just held his hand. I could see a small smile appear, but it quickly evaporated.

"I just, I need time." He said, rubbing his eyes with his other hand.

"I know, babe, just, please don't make it forever okay?" He nodded before standing up and walked away to the bedroom.

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I pulled up to my new job, running my own dance studio and I was beyond excited.

I walked in and looked around at all the designs I had picked out ahead of time. I was so satisfied with them and it was like dreams coming true. 

The half an hour went fast as my students started to pile in. Many I already knew who had followed from the last place, but some were new and I was overjoyed to have so many people want to be taught by me. 

"Welcome everyone! I am beyond excited that you all have decided that I am worthy enough to be your dance instructor! We will be learned all sorts of dancing in here, from Salsa to Modern, although I'll admit, Modern is my favorite and will probably be a main focus here. As always, we don't judge here. Whether you are a beginner or advanced, we will all do the dances together. Again, thank you." 

They all clapped, happy to be here and I was just so happy to be in the moment with them. 

"We are going to start with a warm up stretch and then dive into our first dance. After, we will end with a yoga session and on to the rest of your lives." 

Career wise, my life was perfect, and I couldn't be happier.

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I entered into our dark apartment, dropping my coat and purse to the ground and making my way to the bedroom, where I knew Julian had to be. He had been so down since the loss, sulking around and not doing or saying too much. It was killing me to see him this way.

I walked into the bedroom and found him not there, but the bathroom light was on, he had to be there.

As I came closer, I was able to see a shirtless Julian, standing in his sweatpants leaning against the bathroom counter looking down into the sink. 

"Hey babe." I said calmly, walking closer to him and upon further inspection, saw he had to of been crying.

"Hey." He said, his voice slightly cracked, the voice of someone who was just crying awhile ago.

"Are you okay?" I asked and he looked up at me, forcing a smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine." 

But we both knew that was a lie.

I placed my hand on his arm and he moved his gaze back down.

"Julian, I know you're not okay. Please, just talk to me, that's all I want." 

"You want me to talk?" He asked, looking to me, a twinge of anger in his eyes and I just nodded.

"Fine, I'll say the obvious. It's my fault." The strands of loose hair fell over his face as he shook his head and clenched his eyes shut.

"Julian, don't s-"

"No, it is. If I didn't get hurt in the first place, if I had been there when they needed me, we could of won those last games, had home field advantage and could be on our way to the Super Bowl for the second year in a row. It's my fault." 

His fists tightened and I was worried how hard he was on himself. He was about everything, but he seemed too overboard now.

"Julian, you can't put that guilt on yourself babe. It's a team sport, you've said it before. I'm sure Stephen is punching himself over that missed field goal, I'm sure Tom is thinking about a wide open Rob on that two point conversion, but in the end, they were just better. It wasn't because of you, or Stephen, or Tom, everyone just had a bad day. You can't predict an injury, it happens Julian." 

He sighed heavily, finally, his eyes meeting mine.

"But what if I didn't get hurt and we could of made it? What if?" He looked so unsure, so disappointed.

"Then maybe you'd be headed for the Super Bowl, or maybe you would of still lost. But you can't look at the what ifs."

"I can." He whispered and I let go of him, slightly bothered.

"You want to then? Fine, I'll tell you my what ifs." He looked at me confused, maybe he didn't expect me to fire back and he gave me his full attention.

"What if I had continued college? What if I didn't drop out and feel like a complete failure? What if I could of gone on to do greater things or feel better about myself? What if I never met you? What if I died that night with Adam? What if you died that night with Adam? What if you never remembered me? What if you stopped loving me? What if I lose you?" 

I stood my ground bravely and Julian stood up straight, walking over to me.

"It's just a bad game Julian, not a bad life." 

I turned around, ready to leave Julian there so he could be left with himself, but I stopped when I felt his hand grab my own.

"Sam..." I stood turned away, but I could feel him coming closer before turning me around.

"You're right, I'm sorry. It's a bummer we lost, but I'll take losing a game over losing you any day." I smiled and brought him in for a hug.

"I know it's hard to lose, especially when you get that close. But it's over and done now, please look forward." I said, holding him tighter to me.

"I will. Especially since we get married in only a couple of weeks." I started to chuckle as we stood there hugging.

"What?" He asked, pulling away.

"I just can't believe we are getting married soon, I'm so excited." I said and he beamed down at me.

"It's going to be the best day of my life." I smirked.

"Even more so than the Super Bowl?" I asked and he rolled his eyes at me.

"You bet."