Love Strengthened Us

Chapter 38

"You need breathe man, just breathe." 

Yeah, cause trying to breathe when you feel like all the life and air has just been sucked, no I take that back, ripped violently from you, it feels like breathing is the most impossible thing.

"Sa-Sa-Sam... Sam, Sam." I murmured to myself over and over, rocking with my head in my hands, trying to grasp the situation, not doing very well. 

Danny placed a hand on my arm, pulling a hand away from my face as Ellie sat on my other side, taking my other hand in her own.

"You need to look at me." He said and so I did, he looked sad, but he was trying to keep it together. Danny and Sam were close, always had been since they knew each other, so I knew how distraught he was as well. And Ellie, well, that's her best friend, known her longer than I have, but even those two combined didn't know how I felt, they couldn't even fathom it.

This is Sam, this is my life, my everything. If that's not bad enough, I get asked to choose between my everything and my daughter, also, my everything. What the hell is the right answer?!

Well, as it seems to be, there is no right answer, there is no clear choice. It's hell either way.

"She flatlined Danny, she was gone, I just-" I started to cry remembering the scene I had seen just minutes ago, the security wouldn't let me back there again. It's understandable, but at the same time, how could they understand?

"Julian, you have one healthy boy so far, and from the looks of it, a healthy girl coming too. Focus on that, just focus on that please." Ellie begged of me and I stared at her and I know she was trying, but damn if it wasn't the hardest thing I've ever done.

Every hit that I've ever been through playing football through my entire career, even the one that sent me through that hell of losing my memory, none of them have hit me harder than when that doctor told me to choose. That was the worst hit I've ever been dealt.

I slowly faded back into my world, I didn't even notice Tom and more players shuffling into the waiting room, except for when they walked up to congratulate me, only to step back when Danny would talk to them. Danny was my lifeline right now, I forever was thankful for him.

"Mr. Edelman." I heard my name and looked to the nurse I had talked to earlier.

"Sam?" Is all I said as I jumped up to her, looking for answer.

"I can't say anything, except that they are doing all that they can." That wasn't an answer.

"Is she okay?" 

"I don't know." That was worse than a yes or no, it was just uncertainty. 

I stared away from her, looking to the ground, trying again to grasp it all.

"Would you like to see your baby girl?" I looked back up at her and slowly nodded. I followed her back to the room I was in before.

"Here she is." They walked in and in their hands was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. They handed her to me and for the first since last holding my boy, I smiled.

"My God you are breathtaking." I whispered, her eyes opened and I was shocked to find that she had the beautiful brown and hazel eyes I loved so dearly in Sam. My eyes watered just looking at her. 

"I promise you, once mommy wakes up, you are going to get a name to fit you, one that is so beautiful, the whole world will know you are special when they hear it." And then I swear she smiled and I laughed, I laughed in wonder, God she was amazing. She was the most calming thing to me, she made the world stop.