Winter's 2016 Bio

Posible goodbye

I know you guys probubly don't care. I don't blame you for not caring about a worthless human like me.

I know I haven't reall done anything to make and of you happy. Shit. I'm just a 14 year old with Drepression, anxiety, PTSD, ADD, ADHD, anger issues, suicidal problems and more. I'm just...

Guys after being announced to the world about how cold I am when I try to help others I just. I can't handle it anymore. Recently had a discussion with my girlfriend about us and just -sighs-

I know I dont have it bad. But still. I dont like this. The way my fucked up life is. The way my childhood was turned into shit. The way I liked to hurt humans. The way I betrayed my best friend so I could fit in while she dealt with getting teased.
I dont know why I bring heart break and pain where ever I go. Sometimes idk why I am the way I am. The way I think. I know im stupid. Everything I fucking think. I know its wrong. What my mind says. Its bull.

What sucks most of all Is sometimes i dont understand what Im trying to say.

I feel like im gonna cry but all I got is an emotionless face. I dont know whats wrong with me.

Idk whats wrong with me. Its like Im suicidal but for some reason care. Thinking of what my death would cause.

Having blades and glass ready for anything. Death in my reach. But for some reason I care.

I don't know why I have this reason. Probubly because I care for my grandma that has cancer and for my brother as well. Probubly for my mom that is pregnant with her 5th child. My fith half sibling on my mom's side.

Probubly because I care about what my death is going to be like impacting on people's lives.

I've gone threw hell in my life. And even though someone has it worse than me I just don't like what my life did to me.

I wish I had the solution to my problems but I don't. This might not be a goodbye. Maybe a see you later. But, but being exposed as some sick human girl that doesn't care when I try to care. It hurts.

It makes me feel like I'm drowning and can't breath. And when I try to breath underwater my I push it out and repeat until I die.

Makes me feel like I don't have enough scars on my arms or body.

Makes me feel like I should have never decided to play my precious violin.

I didn't ask for my life. I was a mistake into this world. A rape drug mistake. I don't know why I'm still here honestly.

Maybe if Ik lucky enough I can wish death upon me when I sleep tonight if I sleep due to the bloody nightmares I've been having.

Out of all the times I almost died why did I have to live. I didn't want to keep living. I still don't want too. Also, if you guys wanted to see the messages it's on -Eyal- page on his bio the last chapter I believe. The messages are there he screen shores everything so take a look.

I love you all for the people who have been reading my stuff and tried to support me. Thank you for doing that. FamousGumdrop Finalflight334
Nyctophilia_CJ
OtakuChan101
reckless-muse
Shazzlin
Kipcreate

Thanks guys. Hopefully I'll see you in both world's.