Chap.o38
"Whoa!! Ba't ako nasali dyan sa mura mo?"
Muntik na akong malaglag sa stool na inuupuan ko nang may marinig akong nagsalita sa likod ko. But wait, paano nito nalaman na kasali sya sa mga minura ko? Did I say it loud? Kung oo, dammit! How stupid am I!
"Hey, I'm just kidding."
Sa sinabi nyang yun, saka ko lang ito nilingon.
"Jude." I whispered his name.
"I heard you had a fight." Kibit-balikat na wika ni Jude sabay upo sa katabi kong stool.
I want to yell at him for leaving me alone a while back but I couldn't. I was glad actually - glad that there's one who never leaves me. I have Jude beside me.
"Napano yung kaaway mo? Did they bring her to the hospital? Or did they bring her straight to--."
"Thank you, Jude." I cut him off that I even hugged him. "Thanks for being here with me. Thanks for not leaving me. You are really a good friend."
"Ssshh. What happened?"
The moment Jude embraced me, my tears automatically feel. Dammit! I hate being this weak! Why am I being so sensitive?
Ganito ba talaga dapat? Dapat ko ba talagang iyakan yun? Wala eh, hindi ko mapigilang wag umiyak. Para kasing napag-iwanan ako kanina. Parang walang nakakakilala sa akin. Ni hindi ako nilapitan man lang ng mga itinuturing kong kaibigan at ng kuya ko pa mismo. Am I that worthless?
"Tama na, Cyrene. Please stop crying." Pang-aalo ni Jude sa akin sabay hagod sa likod ko.
Hindi ko naman kayang tigilang wag umiyak kahit anong alo ni Jude.
"Cyrene, please stop. Ayokong nakikita kang ganyan."
"I want to go home, Jude." I just blurted out.
Humiwalay na si Jude sa yakapan namin at saka ako hinawakan sa magkabilang balikat.
"You sure?" He asked me and I gladly nodded. "I'll drive you home then."
Jude then held my hand and escorted me till we reached the parking. He opened the passenger side for me and let me sit after. Sya na din ang naglagay ng seatbelt ko bago ito pumasok sa kabilang side.
Jude started the engine and began driving.
"I don't wanna go home, Jude." I said out loud.
"Wait, bakit naman? Kasasabi mo lang na gusto mo ng umuwi kanina." Naguguluhang wika ni Jude na busy sa pagda-drive.
"I really want to go home, Jude but--."
"Whoa wait. Don't tell me--."
"Yep. I don't want to go to my pad. Nandun ang asungot at ayoko syang makita." Parang batang paliwanag ko.
"Saan naman kita dadalhin aber? Para namang madadala kita sa dorm ko."
"If that's the only option, why not? Look Jude, I'm not yet ready to go home. I badly need time."
I waited for his reaction but I waited for nothing. Nagpatuloy lang ito sa pagda-drive.
"Jude please? Wag sa place ko." I begged nang mapansin kong sa pad ko patungo ang daang tinatahak ni Jude.
"Jude please. I don't wanna go home. Just this time, please?" I begged again.
"Fine." Laking tuwa ko nang pumayag si Jude after. "Pero hindi ka matutulog sa dorm ko. Magho-hotel tayo."
"Thanks Jude." Was all I could say.
Sa hotel nga kami tumuloy ni Jude pagkatapos pero bago nito, dumaan muna kami sa dorm nya para kumuha ng damit. Wala na kasing bukas pa na mall sa oras na ito kaya naman pahihiramin na lang ako ni Jude ng kanyang damit.
Maganda naman ang tinuluyan naming hotel. Pero hindi ko nagustuhan ang naging suggestion ni Jude na tig-isa kami ng room. At dahil dun, mag-isa na naman ako dito.
Maganda nga ang hotel room pero parang may kulang. Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na hindi ako kumpleto. Sa pag-iisa ko, parang ngayon ko lang napagtanto na kay tagal na pala mula nang hindi ako nakipag-relasyon ng seryoso.
Ang relasyon ko noon kay Gav - kay kuya Clive - ang masasabi kong sineryoso kong relasyon. After that, I haven't had another serious one. I tried but I always compared them to Gav. I know that they're not Gav, but I looked for Gav in them. Na sana may kaugali si Gav sa kanila o kung may kapareho man lang na ugali sa Gav kahit konti.
I know that I was so wrong that time. What I did was unforgiveable. Bakit ko kasi hahanapin si Gav sa iba kung alam ko namang iba-iba ang ugali ng bawat isang tao. Every one has its own distinction and own personality. I couldn't chang them and made them my Gav.
Because honestly speaking, I miss Gavino - not my kuya but my first boyfriend and first love. Sa kanya ko ikinokompara ang mga lalakeng dumadating sa buhay ko. Kaya naman kahit hanggang ngayon, wala pa ding nakakapasa sa akin. I always look for my next Gav. And as what I promised myself, if one guy passed or reached Gav's standards, he's the one for me.
That's why I am still alone after three long years. I'm still hoping and wishing for my Gav.
Sana lang sa paggising ko, mahanap ko na ang Gavino para sa akin.
