Letters to the front

Chapter 10 - Have you ever wondered?

Alice 

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I'm physically drained. I've been in France several weeks and i'm already exhausted, don't know how you guys keep going, Alice x I write the words carefully, determined to keep my writing neat, it's hard but i manage, even in the limited light. It's ten o'clock and i should be asleep, i have to be up at five.

I glance at the room, dimly lit by the flickering candle on the desk. The rain streams down outside and i hear the sound of shells in the distance, the constant booming, the bright flashes and i'll never forget the screams as casualties come in fresh from the field. I look out on the bleak weather and think miserably of all the men out there, suffering in the cold, while i'm (somewhat) warm and dry and (pretty much) safe. I put away my ink and seal the letter, just after writing Edward's details on the front. 

Not knowing was the worst, i still had no word from Edward (cousin) or...Sebastian. He had never once written, i had sent a letter but got no reply, i just prayed he was angry and not dead. A growing sense of anxiety was building in my stomach and i had no idea why, i knotted my fingers together and sighed, don't dwell on it, it's probably nothing, scolds my subconcious. But i fear the worst, what if someone was killed? How could i know? 

Then of course the pcychic's warning still rung fresh in my ears, Naitsabes, what the hell? Mary refused to talk about the strange affair and when i suggested she was a real pcychic and called me crazy. She was shaken, i could tell and swore she'd never speak to me again if i didn't keep my mouth shut about it. So i remained silent and pondered on the strange warnings, still echoing through my mind. I walked over the bed and slid beneath the covers, blowing out the candle. I closed my eyes, and after what seemed like a brief few moments, was woken by an urgent banging on the door. Groggily, i staggered out of bed, Mary sitting up as i did, and stumbled towards the door. I swung it open, and matron was standing there, looking flustered and nervous.

"Alice!" she said with a sound of...what? Relief? 

"Matron, what's going on?" i said, glancing down the corridor, seeing others running out of rooms in a haste. "Gas attack on Tillere, there sending them here, get dressed quickly, your needed" 

I immediatly closed the door and lit a lamp, illumintating the room. "What's going on?" said Mary.

"Emergency, get dressed" i said, pulling off my nightie and replacing it with my stiff nurses uniform. I undid my braid and twisted it quickly into a bun, in my haste, a few strands escaped my clutches and curled around my face, ignoring them i put on my cap and threw Mary's uniform at her. "Get dressed!" i said, hurrying out the room, still putting on my shoes. 

Walking briskley down the corridor, Matron caught me and led me through to the intensive unit, where countless victims of a gas attack lay choking on clean, white sheets. It was....haunting. 

I hurried over to one man who lay crying out, "Oh miss!" he cried, "i can't see!" 

The man looked around thirty and was still in his uniform, his eyes were wrapped in bandages, "let's get this uniform off" i said quietly, "it's okay now, sir, your safe"

He sits mumbling, as i undo his boots, placing them at the side of the bed, armed with a cotton gown. I take off his clothes methodically, all part of basic training and carefully pull the gown over his head. He says something incoherant and i reassure him, pulling the blankets around him and moving onto the next patient, establishing a regular rhythm. In some cases it is harder, men's legs are wrapped up in bandages, but i keep going, i reach the end of the line after twenty minutes. 

Another man with his eyes bandages, "sir?" i say, tentitavely, placing my hand on his. His head jerks in my direction, and i squeeze his hand reassuringly. "Yes" he says, sounding quite calm and sedate. His arm is wrapped in a bandge, his leg in plaster. "Sir, i have to take your clothes off, just to put on this gown" i say proffesionally.