Letters to the front

Chapter 15 - The sin of temptation

Alice 

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The sky was blacker than usual. That's all i noticed on that cold January morning. It was January 21st, 1915. A new year, and we were no closer to winning the war than we were in July 1914. It was stalement, with fresh casualties being drafted in every day, each man's face became a blur. They came and went, i could hardly remember one from another. 

Edward was safe in England, my cousin was somewhere, fighting a war i was beginning to believe would never be won and Sebastian....well, Sebastian was somewhere, i hoped. I believed he was alive, it was better than the alternatives. I loved Edward but my conflicting emotions for Sebastian clouded this, even in his cold indifference i had still felt feelings towards him. 

I missed my friends from Ypres, we had tried writing but it hadn't lasted. Mary had stopped responding, she'd either been moved on or had lost interest. 

"Alice" said Gregory. 

"Yes?" i said.

"Can you go down to ward 33, patients need checking"

"Sure" i said, rising to my feet and heading off that way. 

"Alice" he said, catching my arm. 

"Yes?" i sighed.

"Promise you'll eat today" he said gravely.

"What are you talking about?" i said nervously.

"Don't play dumb" he said, turning away and heading off on rounds. 

Damn, he'd noticed. It was true, i hadn't really been eating, i found my appitite had disappeared, i wasn't interested in eating. My uniform was very loose at the moment, i really should eat but i didn't mind the weightloss, it was welcomed. 

"Hi Nurse Ally" said private Winford, smiling chirpily at me. 

"Hello Private" i said, smiling at him brightly, "how are you feeling today?"

"Better" he said happily.

"Good" i said, popping the thermometer in his mouth. I frowned, he was still running a temperature, he wasn't going anywhere. I took the thermometer out before unwrapping his leg and looking, it smelt putrid and had turned a yellow colour. It looked infected. I rewrapped it and smiled reassuringly, "i'm just going to get Doctor Davids" i said.

He looked worried, "Is everything okay?" he asked.

"Just hang on a tick" i said, running down the corridor, "doctor!" i called.

Doctor Davids spun around to look at me. He was an old man, standing at about six foot five with thining grey hair. "Yes nurse?" he said.

"I fear one of the men on ward 33 has gangreene" 

His face turned from serene to alarmed in a matter of seconds. "Lead the way, nurse" he instructed. I hurried back down the corridor and tried to keep my face impassive coming back onto the ward, Doctor Davids looked grave, not fooling anyone. 

"What's going on?" demanded Private Winford. 

"Let's just have a look at your leg private" said the Doctor, unwrapping the bandages. The smell hit you immediatly, puss oozing unhealthily from the gash on his leg. 

"You were right, nurse" said the doctor.

I turned to hide my face, i felt my stomach lurnch, this poor man, boy really, only my age, to young to be here, was going to lose his leg. "What's going on Nurse Ally?" asked the private, anxiety pouring through his voice. 

"You have gangreen" said the doctor, "we need to get you immediatly to theatre and get that leg off"

The colour drained from his face. "You can't" he said, his voice cracking and breaking. 

"We have to, the infection will poison you and you will die if we don't" the doctor said. 

Private Winford's face contorted and he nodded. "Nurse, get a stretcher, i'll inform theatre we'll be operating within the hour" 

"Yes sir" i said, dashing down the corridor to find a stretcher. I wheeled it back quickly and put the private on it. "Nurse Ally?" he said, face full of fear.

"It'll be okay Private" i said, squeezing his hand. He shut his eyes and i brushed a lock of hair away from his face, discreetly checking his temperature, yikes, he was burning up. I shot the doctor a warning look and he nodded knowingly. A team of nurses soon arrived and whisked him away to theatre. 

I watched as he was taken from the ward and then got back to my rounds, there was no time to dwell on it. The other men kept me occupied and i smiled, checked their vitals, got them cups of tea. The nickname 'nurse ally' had been adopted by many of the soldiers, it made me smile and it made this world seperate to my world at home which i missed. 

Later in the evening, i found out Private Winford had unfortunately had his leg amputated, he was being sent home to blighty at the earliest possible date. I hadn't seen him since that afternoon, it wasn't a large hospital but i didn't stray out of my assigned wards. I didn't visit him, to be honest he had become just another soldier.

Ambling along i found myself outside of the supply cupboard for some reason, i didn't know why and for some reason i stepped inside, as if compelled to. I noticed packs of morphine, lining the shelves. It had been rumoured some doctors took some, to take the edge off. After all we had seen, i didn't see the harm....

"Alice!" snapped Gregory, stood behind me, "what are you doing?" 

My hand dropped immediatly and i struggled to come up with a valid reason, "we were...erm....out of bandages" i said. I wasn't convincing and i could tell Gregory didn't believe me, but he didn't persue the subject. He simply nodded as i picked up an armful of bandages and hurried away, feeling Gregory burning a hole in the back of my head. 

I left the bandages in a cupboard in the ward, stuffing them into a draw which was already overflowing. Finally, the bell chimed nine o'clock, signifying it was the end of my shift. Deciding i had nothing better to do, i wondered back to my room, skipping tea again. As i passed through the doctors quarters, i heard a faint moaning coming from Doctor Hutchinsons room. Kneeling down, i peaked through the key hole, it was dark and i could only make out basic shapes. He was holding something and suddenly stabbed his arm, before flopping back down on the bed. 

I jumped back and staggered to my feet, rushing back to my room and slamming the door, deciding not to persue whatever had been going on. If that was what it was like, i didn't want to take it. But remember what they said, it's like floating and falling, and for a short time your in paradise, all this...disappears and there is nothing to fear...except maybe the loss of the precious substance.