Letters to the front

Chapter 30 - Age is just a number

Edward

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 I stared at Alice, furious. I jumped off the bed. "Your what?" I spat. She cringed but in my rage, I barely noticed. "Why didn't you tell me?" I roared.

She said nothing, her face was contorted in agony. "Alice, why?" I demanded.

"I...I...." she stuttered, stumbling over her words, tongue tied. 

"TELL ME!" 

Tears fell from her eyes and I felt a pang of guilt, I was hurting her. But my anger had reached a boiling point. "Do you trust me so little? I could have helped!" 

"I didn't want to worry...be a bother...." she said, her voice distant, "I didn't tell anyone"

"You were sent home! Someone must have known" I said, glaring at her.

"I passed out in a corridor after a nervous breakdown, they found the marks...."

"I'm surprised you haven't lost your bloody job! How could you be so stupid?" 

Suddenly, her face changed. She was no longer upset, her eyes blazed with pure anger, rage twisting her features. "How dare you?" she hissed, her voice low and threatening. 

I watched her intently, waiting for her to explode. "You have no idea what i've been through" she spat.

"Look, I can understand, some of the things you've seen-" 

I didn't get to finish, she cut me off. "It had nothing to do with that!" she screamed, pulling herself upright, clearly causing a monsterous amount of pain, still I didn't stop her.

"Well? What?" 

"Sebastian died" she said bluntly. 

"What?" I said, my mind racing, has she loved him all this time? Was she going to leave me for him? 

"Seb died" 

"Alice i'm so-" 

"Don't" she snapped, trying to mask her pain, "besides, that wasn't the only thing that pushed me over the edge"

I stared at her, and my eyes widened when the realisation hit me. I crumpled to the floor, kneeling beside her bed, clutching her hand. My subconcious was screaming at me; Your fault, your fault, your fault. 

It tormented me. "Alice, forgive me" I begged, seeking forgiveness, "I could never have dreamed that..."

"It was not intentional" she said stiffly. 

I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, "My poor Alice" I said, hanging onto her shoulders. She stiffened and then relaxed and leant on me, "I'm okay" she whispered.

"But you aren't" I said, my voice strained, "Alice...your still grieving...your still craving it"

"I loved Seb, no use denying it, but I love you too, and the person I loved that isn't you is dead, I don't love a corpse...Seb isn't here anymore, so i'm trying to let go and I have, the cravings will fade, as will the grief"

My heart lurched at her words, she was twisting a knife through me. "I love you" she said, her voice open and honest. 

"You do? Even after all i've..."

She rolled her eyes, "Edward you moron, I never stopped loving you, I was deeply hurt and part of me died when I thought you did not reciprocate the feeling, I thought-"

"I love you and never think otherwise" I interupted. She smiled and reached up and tentatively cupped my cheek, I held her hand there, covering it with my own. I was pacified, as was she.