Letters to the front

Chapter 52 - You and I

Alice

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The world was darkness. A black, bottomless void pulling me down into the deep depths of my mind. A place where I could not escape. My poor child's face haunted me, twisted in pain during life and haunting and angelic in death. Eyes glazed over, skin ice cold and deathly pale. My sweet Edward Sebastian. 

I did not want to live in a world without him, I couldn't, our time together had been to brief and painful. I never got a chance to christen him, watch him learn to walk, to take him to school, and fall in love and have children of his own. His was a life that was far too short. 

My Lieutenant Kingston also plagued my thoughts. Is that what these were? Thoughts? 

It was impossible to tell, I could barely conjure straight thoughts. I wished to cry and weep for my loved ones, and to die. All I wished to do was die. Leaving this world would be a blessing, I needed relief, living was to hard. I had nothing left to live for anymore. 

My mind had become a prison, I was trapped by my own consciousness, my twisted heart and sick desires; perhaps it was better that way, I was safe from the outside world. I didn't know which was worse, the outside world or my own thoughts.

My breathing stayed steady, despite the way my mind raced, I could feel a hand in mine and hear voices through the abyss, beseeching me to wake up. 

"Please, Alice"

Was that my name? Alice? It sounded familiar but then I remembered, Alice Hardwick is dead. 

"Alice, please, wake up, just open your eyes"

I wanted to stay here, floating. I was safe, the outside scared me, but somehow the darkness tormented me. 

Allowing my mind to wander, I tried to get some kind of muscular response, something twitched.

"She moved! Quick! Get the doctor!"

The effort exhausted me, but for some reason, I knew I had to wake. 

"Come on, Alice! Damn it, wake up! You can do this!"

It was the angel again, the one that came to me on the bridge, the one that was always there for me. "Alice, you need to wake up" 

The angel was sad and I frowned, at least I tried to, angels shouldn't be sad. "You can't die on me, Alice Hardwick, don't you dare"

The darkness beckoned, but I pulled away, fighting for consciousness. My breathing quickened and I lifted my lids, each like lead weights over my eyes, prying them open. 

In a snap, my eyes pried open. I sucked in a lungful of air, my eyes darting around the room. It was clean, the sheets pristine white, the walls plastered and painted sterile white. The floor was shining and a vase of flowers sat at the end of the iron rail bed. 

My eyes flitted again, and locked with someone who's face I hadn't seen in nearly a year, the face that bewitched me,and haunted my every moment for so long, he was finally here. 

He looked at me and choked, "Alice"

Edward reached forward, wrapping his arms around me and clutching me to him, kissing my forehead and saying "thank heavens" a prayer, I think. 

"Water" I coughed, he leapt away, my throat was as dry as the Sahara. 

"Of course!" he said, pouring me a glass from a jug and handing it to me. I gulped it down, relishing the feel of the cool liquid slipping down my parched throat.  "You found me" I said quietly.