Letters to the front

Chapter 31 - Unexpected

Alice

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6 months later

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The months seemed to pass by in a flurry, it had been insane. Edward was still in Ypres, but now I was stuck fifty miles away, our letters continued but it was hard, I wanted him with me. 

What made it worse was that I hadn't been able to spend my birthday with him, though he wrote me a letter, wishing me a happy birthday. It wasn't the same though. I couldn't tell anyone else though, they all thought I was nineteen, not seventeen. I couldn't risk them finding out. 

I picked at my food, not really touching it. Feebily, I shoved a piece...well I wasn't even sure what it was, it was bland and tastless, filling the empty void in my stomach. I barely chewed, just swallowing it straight down. 

As I was heading back to my room, preparing to knock off for the evening (I had been working since five that morning) I was caught by Doctor Carter. 

Doctor Carter was around thirty three, though no one was really sure. He had black hair, slicked back with oil, and kind grey eyes, he was married, or so I was told, with two young children. He was not a handsome man, but what he lacked in looks he certainly made up for in skill, he was one of the finest doctors around, in fact, you'd be hard pushed to find one better. 

"Can I help Doctor Carter?" I asked, smiling politely, though trying to indicate I was very tired and wished to return to my room. 

"Yes! Alice your just the person I was looking for, we have a young chap in, recovering from an addiction himself it seems, started up back when he had PTSD, wondered if you could have a chat with him?" 

Doctor Carter looked hopeful, and I felt I could not refuse, though I did not wish to drag up my own memories back to the surface (I still struggled with the cravings), I felt stable enough to talk to someone else. 

When I entered the room, I knew instantly the man was like me. His eyes were wide and bloodshot, his hand shaking unsteadily and his body rocking with tremours, caused by the brain telling you to find your next fix. His skin was pale and sickly, and his chapped and cracking. 

"Hello" I said cautiously, his head turned suddenly so he was looking at me, his bold stare was unnerving. "I'm Nurse Hardwick, though must of the lads call me Nurse Ally"

He processed them and then slowly relaxed a fraction, though not much. Carefully, I lowered myself into the bedside chair and smiled at him. He stared at me, studying me before frowning, "I don't need more meds" he said.

"Not here to give you any" I said, holding my hands up, surrendering.

He nodded and then began knotting his fingers, twisting violently at a frayed piece of rope. "Does that help?" I asked.

Nodding furiously, he wound the rope tighter and tighter, almost snapping it. 

"I took some time away when I got like this" I said quietly. 

Sharply he turned to face me, "You are not like me" he spat.

"I had the same addiction" I countered.

"Can stop any time I feel like it" he muttered.

"I said that too, it took me a long time to realise I couldn't"

He looked at me skeptically. "How'd you manage to stay in the forces then?" he said.

"I was given a warning" I said, "and help, time away from this and then,when I was strong again, returned"

"I don't want too"

"Don't want to what?" I asked gently. 

"Don't want to..I can't go home" he choked.

"Why?" I said, pressing him, needing him too finish this. 

"I have no 'ome to go back too!" he said, sitting out of bed, tears running from his eyes.

I took his hand gently, and he stared at me dumbfound, "this isn't the answer" I said.

"My wife..the pay package didn't arrive on time and they took the 'ouse" he sobbed, "because of this bloody war!" 

"I know it's hard, but she'll recieve support"

"Bloody workhouse! That's where she'll end up"

"No relatives?"

"None, her parents died of TB three years ago, no siblings"

"Aunt or uncle?"

He shook his head. I had a thought, I knew a place she could go, it wasn't much but a start. "Have you heard of the women in arms charity?"

He shook his head again. I continued, hoping he would see this hope, "They're a charity that help cases like this"

"You mean-"

"They'll support her till your home" I finished. His outlook brightened instantly. 

"You must stop this addiction now" I warned, "how much are you taking?"

"One percent a day" he asked.

"Not as bad as I thought, but stop, for your wife" I said.

He looked happier instantly, and I smiled, perhaps I could do good.

"Nurse, how can I repay you?" he asked.

"Get well" I said, realising his hand and leaving.

"Nurse, what brought on your addiction?" he asked. 

"Death, of a very...close friend" I said without turning then quietly leaving. I pushed down the memory of Sebastian and flooded my mind with thoughts of Edward, and his promise of our being together. It told me of a happy time too come, and not of the horror we faced. 

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Things took a turn for the worst that day. I recieved a letter from Edward, a young private had been shot, he hadn't taken it well. Then, after heavy shelling men where flooding in, we were overwhelmed. "Nurse!" called Matron Haverbrooks.

"Matron!" I said, hurrying too meet her. 

"Your needed in theatre" she said.

I nodded, running to change into my scrubs, I was nervous, I did not like surgery, it filled me with dread and always felt sick. 

It was too quiet, the atmosphere too tense. My hand trembled as I handed the Doctor the scalpel, he raised an eyebrow and I put on my mask, pretending everything was fine. It was awful, the man layed out on the slab probably had a family relying on him and here he was, his life in our hands. 

After an hour, I was finally released, the hospital had taken on a disturbing calm, it chilled me, it meant one thing. Death. The smell of bodies filled my nostrels, and I shook my head as if I could banish it. Back in my room, I peeled off the scrubs and my uniform, sticky with sweat. Slipping into my nightdress, I tucked myself between the sheets, that's when two men burst into the room and grabbed me.