Letters to the front

Chapter 46 - Ascot

Alice

*****

Cheltneham was a bustling with life and spirit as we drove in. People milled around the shops and chatted eagerly to one another. I stepped out the car with a spring in my step. Edward took my hand and we wandered down the highstreet, for the first time, we were not stared at, which surprised me. 

I could not understand why people weren't staring, someone like me with someone like Edward was unusual to say the least. The shop attendant greeted us happily, exclaiming over how simply 'charming' a couple we were, leaving me baffled. 

I was shown a selection of dresses, all of which were stunning, but expensive. I tried on at least ten, modelling everyone to Edward, who was no help at all, declaring he liked them all each time. When (with the help of the shop assistant) I chose a dress - white (ironically) with lace collar and small cap sleeves. The picture of sophistication I laughed to myself. We even found a matching black facinator, a small net covering part of my face, the piece slid into my hair easily. 

The assistant wished us well as we left, doubly strange. I was used to people just shooting me daggers for even daring to look at Edward, acceptance was, for a better word, odd. 

He refused to let me carry the bag either, he took my hand and decided lunch was in order. I would have been happy in a pub, but when he began walking towards a restaurant with an air of class, I nearly did a double take before firmly reminding myself if I was to prove I belonged, I had to get used to this. The door man looked us up and down, I tried holding my head high, trying to be as 'upper' as I could.  It wasn't till I saw our reflection in the window did I release why people were no longer staring. I hadn't even noticed before, but it was so obvious I was appalled I'd missed it. 

Everything about me was different. My clothes, my hair, my expression, even the way I held myself. The changes were shocking and I wasn't sure if I liked it, they took me away from my roots, from who I was. I felt faint and leaned on Edward, turning pale. 

He cast me a worried glance and held me up as we were taken to our table. "Get some water" snapped Edward. The waiter hurried away and returned seconds later carrying a jug and glass. Edward didn't even thank him and then poured me a glass, "drink"

I gulped down mouthful after mouthful of water and felt myself still feeling ill. "Lavatories?" I asked. 

"That way" he said, pointing, "to the left, would you like help?"

I shook my head, needing to be alone for a moment. I got up, Edward rising to his feet, and I hurried in the direction he told me. When I reached the room, I looked in the mirror. My reflection alien, and I hadn't noticed before. I missed my dirt covered dresses and old boots, I missed riding along the hills and planting and harvesting. I missed myself. The stranger in my reflection was not me. Her hair was too her neat, her skin to clean and finger nails devoid of dirt and grime. My hands held the biggest change; I'd once possessed work-man like hands, covered in callouses, with bitten of nails and scratched from the thorns. They were too smooth, the skin to even and pale. 

I trembled and looked and looked until I couldn't any longer. This wasn't the girl Edward fell in love with.

I felt like I was tearing apart at my very seams, the person I was leaking away and being replaced by someone else. I remembered what my Uncle told me one night before I left; "Don't let them change you, Ally, because the person you are is incredible, don't let her go, don't become a stranger"

I felt as if I'd let him down, "This isn't me" I said. Without a second thought I ran out the bathroom and slipped out the back entrance and just ran. I had no idea where to.