Letters to the front

Chapter 23 - Cravings

Alice 

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I stared blankly for a moment. I took the letter and lowered myself onto a patch of grass, soaking me as i did. I opened it like it was explosive, and read the letter. Tears formed in my eyes, and i smiled, choking a little. I felt something heavy at the bottom of the envelope, and picked it out, it was a locket, inside, the inscription you are my fate. 

My hands shook as i fastened the clasp and it hung loosely around my neck. I cried then, overjoyed at the revelation, he really loves me! My aunt took the letter and skimmed over it, and smiled knowingly. 

I wiped the tears from my eyes and took the letter, running inside and putting it in my treasure chest. The revelation was wonderful, it filled me with joy and i ran through the house, singing and dancing, making my way outside and running through the fields, bare footed, my hair wild mess of tangles. "Come josephine in my flying machine!" i sang gleefully, "up she goes! up she goes!" 

"HE LOVES ME!" i cried out in my elation.  The locket bounced off my chest as i ran and thumped a steady rhythm on my skin. I tripped on a root and fell, laughing carelessly as i did. I lay for a while in the cool grass, undistrurbed. The grass soaked me through and chilled me to the bone, but honestly, i didn't care.  

I knotted my fingers in the long grass and smiled, looking up at the pale blue sky and thinking dreamily of Edward, his hard jaw and gentle eyes. The things those eyes must of seen! I pushed away the thought with haste, i didn't dare to think it. 

After a while, i felt myself begin to shiver, and not with the cold. I was trembling and i touched my arm, a slight indent in the vein. I need more. I savagely jumped to my feet, my head pounding and heart racing. I sprinted back to the house and tore through the house like a tornado, leaving destruction in my wake. "ALICE!" screamed my aunt. 

"Where is it? You must have some! YOU HAVE TO HAVE SOME!" 

"Alice honey, stop!" she cried, my rage was murderous and my intents savage. I growled when she took my arm, i didn't see my aunt, i saw someone who could get me my fix. "GIVE IT TOO ME!" i roared. My uncle stormed into the house like thunder, pinning my arms by my side and taking me back to my room and locking the door once i was secured inside. My aunt objected wildly but he ignored her, i hit the door wildly, begging for morphine. 

I could hear my aunt crying softly and my uncle talking to her in hushed tones. I fell onto the bed, sobbing face down into the pillow. My whole body shook with tremors and I was sweating, though i wasn't hot. It was a cold sweat. My eyes darted back and forth like those of a spooked animal. I cried and cried, till i thought i would dry up, as it turned out i wouldn't. 

I imagined Edward's arms around me, soothing away my pain and it comforted me. I could imagine his lips pressing against the back of my neck, his thumb brushing away my tears. It made me sick that i couldn't see him, and sicker that i was not out helping in france because of some stupid addiction. 

My heart hardened against the addiction, against the drug that made me feel this way, no matter how much i wanted it, i would never take it, ever again. 

*****

Hours later, my uncle opened the door to find me washed and clothed. He stood at the door way, his large build filling the frame. His eyes were weary, until i smiled at him. Relief washed through him and i looked at the floor, deeply embaressed of my behaviour. "I'm so sorry-" i began, before being pulled into a bone crushing hug. "Oh Ally" he sighed, kissing the top of my forehead, "we understand, we really do" 

I cried softly into his chest, "I keep thinking i never used to cry"

"It's the war sweetheart, it brings out the worst and the best in us"