Ride Or Die

I'm crazy,completely mad

I'm crazy, completely mad.




I'm going crazy, completely mad.
"Jason?" I stepped into his office where he sat at his computer screen that seemed to almost consume all the space on his dark chestnut colored desk. The room was good sized, enough for the desk, a tv, and a dark brown colored couch. I huffed as I shuffled towards the seat, plopping down and shoving my face into my hands where they later trailed into my hair finger combing several strands in frustration. The feeling of eyes set upon me was undeniable, "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" There was sound indicating the black chair was being wheeled away from behind the desk and growing louder until it halted in front of me. His rather large fingers laced under my chin, forcing me to look at him.
"I'm mad," my facial expression was blank. His eyes indicated he was confused, "Why's that?"
"No, not mad, Jason. Mad, insane, crazy.." I listed off synonyms of my meaning.
He raised his eye brows and let a chuckle go, "We're all mad."
"No, I'm serious," I spoke sternly, getting annoyed quickly due to me having to explain myself.
"So am I."
I held up my hand signalling him to stop talking, "Jason, I see him." By this time, the man's face hardened and a look of pain over came him, "See who?" He slowly asked, I could tell the nervousness in his voice saying he was afraid of my answer. "Branson." The hazel orbs became wide as his eye brows raised, "Oh." That was it, that was all Jason responded with. "Am I crazy?" I turned to him after a long moment, the only sound replying was the constant ticking of the black clock that hung over the back of Jason's desk. Tick. Tick. Tick.
"Maybe," He shrugged truthfully. I suddenly became extremely interested in the ground and my feet, too nervous to look up and face the boy I loved. "What's wrong with me?" My voice hinted hurt that I failed to cover up. Jason's arms wrapped securely around me as he pulled me from my seat into his lap and buried his face into my left shoulder, "Absolutely nothing, you're perfect."
"But I'm crazy."
"Aren't we all..." Jason's voice died out.

All I wanted was to be okay, to feel okay. Rather if it was for a moment or even a nanosecond. I wanted to know I still had that human feeling within me, I wanted to know it was possible to feel again. Right now I was numb to the world. I was locked in a sealed box where no one could hear the screams erupting from within. The fitted box suffocated me in my own thoughts and drowned me in my own dreadful memories. It made me face all the things I had been running from. And in that instant, I realized I had really been locked up in this barricade for months and I wanted nothing more than to escape. There was just one problem-- I didn't know how.