A Glimpse of Forever

December 2012 - Family

Chapter 20

December 2012 - Family

I watched as Chris loaded the last of my luggage in the back of the car. I was super excited about going home for the holidays. I haven’t seen my family in so long. It’s going to be nice to see them again. I’ve been looking forward to this trip for weeks. It was going to be a nice get away, sometime for me to escape and forget about responsibilities. Sophie had told me that she would meet me at the airport so all I had to do now was get in the car and go. I was a little sad about not seeing everyone here for the next 2 weeks. Ryan bought me bubble gum for the plane ride and told me to say hi to my parents for him. Chris was the only one who I hadn’t had a proper goodbye with. William gave me this bracelet and told me it was to remind me of my British family while I was with my other one. Jake gave Sophie a matching necklace. Tom told me that he would keep my apartment safe while I was away which made me nervous because I didn’t know what he could get up to. Drew had managed to see me before we left, now that he had gone to work full-time, he had less time to see us but they all managed to tell Soph and me how much they would miss us.

Then there was Chris who had barely spoken two words about it. Literally two words, he said, ‘These done?’ while pointing to the suitcases. That was about it. We had been arguing a lot more lately and I was worried that something was wrong, I would leave and when I came back he would hate me or something. I hoped that I was just over-reacting and that he still loved me because I couldn’t handle it if he didn’t.

I got in the front seat; Chris was already in the driver’s seat, waiting for me to be ready. I could feel this being an awkward car ride. I was thinking about turning the radio up but I wanted him to talk to me and the quieter it was, the more likely it was that he would speak up, or I would, depending on how long I could handle the silence.

We were half way to the airport and nothing. Not a word was spoken. I was beginning to get fidgety. No matter how much I moved around on my seat, no matter how hard I bite my lip, the car was going to remain silent, and it was pissing me off. I had to do something before I was driven to destination-insane, “What are you planning on doing when you see your parents?”

Without any effort, Chris answered, “Christmas things I assume”

I had a few options here 1) Answer with a serious response 2) Be myself and answer like the sarcastic bitch I was or 3) simply stop communicating all together. I couldn’t help myself, “Really? I thought you would do Easter things at Christmas”

His face didn’t change and his tone was plain and uninterested, “Real funny”

“Chris, I need you to pull over”

Without taking his eyes of the road he spoke, “Why?”

“Just STOP THE CAR!”

Chris parked the car on the dirt patch. The road was really empty, there were no passing cars. He undid his seatbelt, opened the car door and left. Just like that. I remained in my seat for the whole of 5 seconds before I followed him over to the wooden fence that lined the side of the almost cliff thing. It was this small hill that overlooked a lake and you could feed the ducks. It was honestly lovely out here. Chris had his crossed arms leaning against the wooden frame; he was looking out across the lake where a few baby ducklings were following their mother.

Chris’s face didn’t seem so stiff and emotionless anymore, he just seemed glum.

“Talk to me Chris. I don’t know what’s happened that has made you like this”

He looked at me, took a deep breath and started to speak, “You’re leaving and I’m scared when you come back, you won’t want me anymore”

Well then, turns out that we made each other doubt our feelings and we were both paranoid that the other one didn’t love us. Strange how we feel the same way and yet we push each other away.

“Chris, I know that things haven’t been great for us lately but I promise you that it’s going to take a lot more than a few fights and 2 weeks out of town to make me stop loving you”

I was trying my hardest to make him feel better. Looking at him, you couldn’t tell how insecure he was but deep down, he was a shy, paranoid boy. I wrapped my arm around him and he rested his head on my shoulder. The moment was peaceful and sweet. I know that it’s terrible that he was sad but in times like this, it always reminded me that he sometimes got as scared to lose me as I got to lose him. Moments like these reinsured me that we had nothing to worry about, not yet anyway.

After a couple of minutes simply standing together, Chris did take me to the airport. He carried all of my luggage and held my hand as we walked up to Sophie. Before we boarded the plane, Chris handed me a rather small star. He placed it in my hand and told me, “This star is so you remember that even when the sun goes down, I can still lead you through the dark”

He kissed the back of my hand that held the star and waved me goodbye as I walked onto the plane.

****

I was happy to see my family and to see that they were all doing well. We had Christmas lunch like when I was younger. My brother would not stop talking and hugging me. My sister told me all about her last year of high school and how she hated her final year exams. It was great to see my mum again. I missed her so much. She had sent me things throughout the years and I loved everything that she had knitted for me. Every holiday it was something different. Last Christmas it was an angel for the top of our tree and this year it was a snowman.

They turned my old bedroom into a spare room which meant they took all my old posters down. They locked all my soft toys away in the cupboard along with the other things I had to leave behind. It was sad to leave so much behind but in a way I’m glad I did because it made room for the things I had back in England.

It was strange being here. It was so bloody hot. As much as I missed my family and how amazing it was to see them all, I missed the guys back home. Seeing old friends that Sophie and I went to high school was a good distraction though.

The first night back, I got to sleep in my old bed and it brought back so many memories. I thought back to high school and the things I over came to end up where I am today. I placed the small star that Chris had given to me on the bedside table and I watched it glow in the dark. I fell asleep thinking that, even though Chris was so far away from me, he was still protecting me from the dark.