A Glimpse of Forever

April 2013 - Shouldn't be a Good in Goodbye

Chapter 28

April 2013 - Shouldn't be a Good in Goodbye

“Can I talk to you for a sec, Amelia?”

This was it. Chris finally wanted to talk. I was waiting for this to happen but a part of me wasn’t expecting for it to, not this early. It had only been two weeks since we went on our break. Sophie told me that he asked her out and she obviously said no since her and Drew had got back together. This conversation could go in two directions – the end of our relationship or the rebirth of it. While Chris was out trying to win Sophie over, I had spent my time with Ryan, which was amazing. He knew that Chris and I weren’t officially broken up yet and he respected that. We shared secret dates and stolen kisses. It was simple and wonderful.    

“Sure thing” I took a deep breath as he grabbed hold of my hand and took me to the other room.

“Sit…” I followed his hand gestures and sat on the edge of the bed.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Well Amelia, I need to tell you something but I don’t know exactly how to. I don’t know how to put it all in words”

Okay, now I was freaking out. What if he does something stupid? Right now, I don’t know what would be worse, if he told me that he loved me and only me and wanted to be together again or if he didn’t. My heart was beating so fast, my chest was getting tighter with every breath. I sat there, waiting patiently for Chris to continue.

I couldn’t stand the silence, even if it had been merely seconds since he had spoken, “Don’t think about it. Just let it all come to you and the words will just happen”

I gave him a friendly smile, trying to ease the tension. He knelt down in front of me, I could tell that he was having just as much trouble as I was with breathing. As he took hold of my hands, I could feel his pulse racing.

He looked nervous, after he gathered all the courage he could find he spoke, “I was an idiot. I was worse than an idiot and I’m surprised that you still talk to me. I know that I was stupid and that I ruined what we had because we had a few hiccups and I blamed you for them. I realised now that it wasn’t that we were running in circles or that our relationship wasn’t enough because it was enough. You are the most interesting person I’ve ever met and you put up with me for a year, which makes you pretty special. I didn’t mean for Sophie to be dragged into all of this and I know that it was wrong of me to include her when she shouldn’t be the one I worry about, you should be….”

He stood up and sat down next to me, not once breaking eye contact or letting go of my hand.

“…I don’t have some magical explanation of why I did what I did, I guess I thought that after a year with you, I thought that we couldn’t have surprises, like I had nothing more to offer…”

I couldn’t sit there listening to his excuses much longer, I thought that I should have a say too, “Look Chris. Just stop for a second. I want to say something. I am a mixture of emotions right now, one of them being anger. I am still angry at you for telling me that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere. I might not say the right things or handle things correctly all the time but when you’re with someone, you are meant to work through it. I’m angry that you told me that you had feelings for Sophie, not only that you had feelings for her but that you were willing to give up everything we have been through in our one year to have one day with her. It just shows me that I didn’t mean that much to you, I couldn’t have possibly if you would be willing to just let me go for someone who may not have even felt the same way…”

“Amelia…”

“NO! I am not finished, let me speak. You always just jump in whenever you feel like it. I’m a person and this person doesn’t like the person she loved choosing her best friend over her. This person doesn’t like the person she loved thinking badly of her because she isn’t like someone else. Guess what Chris? I‘m not Sophie. She is probably more fun and interesting then I am. She probably is a better person and someone better for you but you can’t just use me for when you can’t have her. I’m sick of being second best. She didn’t love you, she didn’t want you and when I did you settled for me. But I was only ever good enough for you when she wasn’t around”

Chris stayed silent, knowing that I was right. His lack of words confirmed everything, deep down I knew already but I still hoped were wrong.

“Ok, I’m sorry. I’m finished losing my calm. I’m sorry for interrupting your little talk thing. You were saying?”

I took the spot next to him, he looked at me like he was about to cry and it just broke my heart. As much as I wanted to hate him and as much as I was angry, I still loved him. I wasn’t like him. I couldn’t just forget everything we had together.

I was about to say something when suddenly I was interrupted by something unexpected. His lips crashed into mine, leaving me completely taken aback.

He pulled away but still inches from me, he whispered, “Please don’t forget me. Don’t forget this”

I didn’t know how to reply. How could I ever forget him?

“I could never”

I had to stop this! I couldn’t go back to that. No, I had to snap out of it.

“Listen to me Chris…”

I stood up and leaned against the wall for support. I rested my head alongside the wall, closing my eyes to try and take in this moment and the ones before it. When I opened them, Chris was standing directly in front of me, waiting for me to carry on.

“Chris, I love you….”

I could tell that he was surprised.

“…I don’t know how not to. However much I love you, I can’t be in love with you”

As he wrapped his arms around me, he added, “I love you. I’m sorry it took me this long to know that you are the only one that I love. I’ll wait for you, I’m not giving up on you, not this time”

He released me from his grasp, I couldn’t do anything except look at him, but I couldn’t stand it after a while and I ran out of the room.