A Glimpse of Forever

February 2014 - Home Again

Chapter 38

February 2014 - Home Again

My flight got in yesterday. The only person that knows I’m back is Ryan. It’s not that I wanted it to be a big secret but I wanted some time for just Ryan and I. Since I didn’t have anything to do, I stayed in bed. I had a lovely sleep in. It was nice to sleep in my own bed again. It was even better to have Ryan by my side. It’s a strange feeling going from sleeping next to someone for months to sleeping alone for four weeks.

As I laid there, enjoying the peace, I noticed Ryan waking up. As soon as he saw me, a smile grew on his face, “Good morning snuggles”

I loved that nickname. Apparently, I was the snuggly-cuddly kind of person. Ryan also found the way I called cuddles, ‘snuggle-wuggles’. It was just what I called them and I have since I was about three.

“Morning darling”

Ryan started to run his fingers through my hair, “You never ended up telling me how your trip was and why they asked you to stay an extra week”

“Oh right. Well, they told me that my work was really good. They actually liked my writing. They asked me to stay so I could finish this piece that I was in the middle of. Overall, it was alright”

“Just alright?”

I didn’t want to go on about how amazing I thought it was because I didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t miss him or any of the others, “Yeah, I guess”

“You know, you can be honest with me. I promise I won’t be upset if you had an incredible time and hated coming home”

“For starters, I most certainly didn’t hate coming home. But to be honest, I did have a great time. I got a lot out of it”

“What happens now?”

“Now?” What does happen now? Should I tell him what happened? What if he doesn’t understand? Surely he would. My actions were reasonable, “Well, something technically has already happened”

“What happened?”

“I guess they asked me to stay longer”

“Oh. Why didn’t you?”

I sat up, put my feet into my fluffy slippers and stood up, “I wanted to come home and they wanted me for more time than I had to spare”

“How long did they want you there for?” Ryan followed me out to the kitchen.

“Um. Let’s just say it was a while”

“It can’t be that bad. Just tell me”

“Well, they asked me to stay….permanently”

“Wait they offered you a job?”

I opened the fridge door, took out the orange juice and poured myself a glass before replying, “Yeah, kind of”

“Why didn’t you take it?”

I took a sip of juice, returned the bottle to the fridge and answered, “I didn’t want it”

“Why not?”

I loudly sighed, I didn’t really wish to have this conversation, “Because Ryan, I didn’t want to. They expected me to just pick up and leave. I would have to move over there. I don’t want to leave, I like it here. I’ll have to just stick with the bookstore until something comes along a little closer to home. And please don’t give me your, ‘it’s-your-future’ speech because I know what I’m doing. The truth is, I can always find another job, it may not be as good as what they offered me but there will be something out there but there won’t be another you over there. So, I’d rather stay here and keep looking. Okay?”

Ryan nodded and I continued to make breakfast. Pancakes sounded really good right now.

I couldn’t tell what Ryan was thinking and I hated it. He has different facial expressions depending on his mood and some of them, he locked away from me. They were out of reach. He kept this side of him hidden from me, from the world and no matter how hard I searched for the key, he always remained locked away. The worst part was, I was an open book. I could never keep my feelings secret. When I felt something, all of me felt it and it was very visual.

I ended up seeing the others that same day. They were all happy to see me, and I them. It was certainly good to be home. And despite Ryan’s lack of emotion on the subject, as of this moment, being in their company, I didn’t regret not taking that job. I didn’t think that I could survive not being able to have days like this regularly.