A Glimpse of Forever

Sophie's Point of View - June 2011

Chapter 24

Sophie’s Point of View - June 2011

I skipped across the hall and knock on Ryan’s door. Amelia was getting so worked up about his guy. Something needed to be done. I was not about to let my best friend go through torture because some dude wouldn’t talk to her. He answered the door and as usual, I invited myself inside.

“Sophie, please do come in”

“I’m here on business”

Ryan gave me a puzzled glace, “Don’t play dumb, you know why I’m here”

“No actually, I don’t”

“Right. Well, it’s because of Amelia”

All of a sudden, his face dropped and his whole attitude changed. He looked so miserable, “Alright. Would you like some coffee before we start?”

“Sure” I know that I was meant to be mad at him but I really enjoyed the coffee.

After we sat down and I got my coffee, I started the conversation, “So, let’s talk about it then, ay”

“Right then. What do you want to know?”

“Um, why the heck you stopped talking to her and why you cracked it when she opened up to you?”

The more I spoke, the more he looked absolutely broken, “I didn’t mean to. She just has this effect on me. I honestly have no rational reasoning behind getting angry. I don’t understand it, there was my opportunity and instead of taking it, I lashed out and lost it”

I sat there nodding along to everything he was saying, not completely understanding what he meant until I noticed he said ‘opportunity’, “Wait, opportunity for what?”

“You can’t tell Amelia, please. I would die if she found out…” Since I had no reason for Ryan to die, I promised I would never tell her, “…I am completely in love with her and I have been since we met. It’s weird to say aloud because I haven’t told anyone. I thought it was just your everyday crush thing. A pretty girl moves in across the hall. I didn’t expect for her to become my friend and I wasn’t planning on becoming so attached. Soon, after a while, I found her taking over my mind and now, I can’t seem to look at her without turning into this idiot. That’s why I can’t understand why I lost it at her when she said she felt the same way, well I doubt she felt as intensely about it but still. It was as if I couldn’t acknowledge what she said, like she was playing a horrendous joke on me. I stopped talking to her because I couldn’t face her, I couldn’t look at her knowing that I’ve lost my chance with her. Do you understand?”

I sat there, completely blown away. Here I thought that he was being a jerk because he thought Amelia wasn’t good enough for him but in reality, she was all he ever wanted and more, “I think I do, yeah”

Ryan looked as though he was struggling to survive. He looked so unwell. I wondered if it was because of what happened with Amelia. He was terrified to lose her but at the same time, he was terrified to have her. I knew that all he had to do was ask and she would drop everything to be with him but I knew that he would never ask. He would rather her think he didn’t love her then to tell her the truth and I didn’t know why.

“There is one thing that still confuses me. I don’t understand why you don’t tell her all of this?”

I could see the thought Ryan was putting into his response and how much he has thought about this and Amelia, “I honestly just feel as though it’s impossible. I don’t want her acting on her feelings because I’m simply not good enough. I mean, I’m not half the person she is and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I knew that she settled with me because of how deeply I felt for her. She deserves so much more and I don’t want to weigh her down”

I got everything that I needed to. I promised that I wouldn’t tell Amelia and I was planning on keeping my promise. I understood what Ryan was saying and I somewhat could relate to him. It isn’t great knowing that the person you are with is better and deserves better then you and the things that you offer and no matter how much you love them, you know that keeping them for yourself is selfish. He loved her enough to know that what she needed best wasn’t a boyfriend but a friend that she could depend on. And that’s exactly what he was prepared to give her, the best damn friend she had ever had.