A Glimpse of Forever

November 2013 - De Ja Vu

Chapter 35

November 2013 - De Ja Vu

I have recently discovered that normal people aren’t meant to be friends with their exes, or at least it is frowned upon by current boyfriends. I always thought that if two people were friends before they became a couple that they could go back to being friends. Why can’t I still talk to Chris even if we dated? It’s not like I still want to date him, I just want to keep that friendship. I don’t see the difficulty in seeing that. According to Ryan it’s wrong of me to continue spending time with Chris. He expects me to just ignore Chris because we dated. I am meant to completely disregard our friendship before we were a couple and pretend that he means nothing to me.

Do you know what’s annoying about this? The fact that it was fine to hang out with Ryan while I was dating Chris even though I liked him before but now when the rolls are reversed, it’s a problem.

I was sitting there in my apartment, minding my own business when Ryan came and sat next to me. I had just gotten home from hanging out with Sophie and Chris. We were trying to cheer her up because she was still a bit down about the whole ‘Jake and Drew’ thing. So I got home and Ryan was acting all anxious. He eventually spoke up and told me what was going on, “Amelia, why do you spend so much time with Chris?”

I was surprised, this question seemed to come out of the blue, “Um, what? You make it seem like I spend 24/7 with the guy”

“Well, you have been lately”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m just curious”

“Well, stop it. Chris is my friend, that’s it. I spend a reasonable amount of time with him”

Ryan stood up in a huff. He seemed jealous and angry. Why was this always a problem? I had to defend myself to Chris when he had the same issue. Now it’s happening all over again. Why can’t people just trust me?

“Ryan, I don’t understand why you are so pissed off”

Ryan walked back over to me and stood in front of me, “Because you don’t think about how it affects me. Seeing you go off with Chris all the time and you never once bother to see if it’s okay”

I stood up to stand next to Ryan, “I shouldn’t have to ask for your permission to spend time with my friend”

The argument went on for a while. I continued to defend myself and my innocent friendship with Chris. Things got intense and Ryan had, had enough, “Amelia, why did you even start dating me? You should never have broken up with him”

By this time, I was obviously hurt. Ryan’s words hurt and I wanted to get back at him, “Why don’t you just go screw Sophie some more”

His next three words broke me, “Maybe I will”

Ryan stormed out the door, if I had to guess I would say he went to Sophie. I sat in my living room wondering what to do. I was left alone with my thoughts and all that was repeating in my mind was Ryan and Sophie together. And it killed me.

When Sophie didn’t come home later that day, I figured she was next door with Ryan. I needed someone and so I called someone I could trust. Chris. He came pretty much right away. He sat with me for hours, listening to me ramble on about how angry I was, “I just can’t stop thinking about him running off with her. What if he does something?”

“Don’t think like that. He wouldn’t do that to you. He would be an idiot to do something with Sophie”

All of a sudden I felt a rage burn deep within me. I look at Chris and without hesitation replied, “At least you were smart enough to dump me before you tried anything with her”

This sadness found its way to Chris’ eyes, “Amelia…”

“No. What is it with the guys I choose always being tangled with Sophie? Am I really that noticeably second compared to her? You used me for when you couldn’t have her and Ryan slept with her, shared a secret relationship with her instead of being with me. What does she have that I don’t?”

Chris didn’t say a word. Instead he tried avoiding eye contact with me, “Yeah, that’s what I thought”

I wondered over to the kitchen, Chris followed. I was hurt because it always goes back to Sophie. Maybe they pick her because it would cause me the most amount of pain. I don’t know. All I know is that the thought of Ryan and her is unbearable. I turned to Chris who was standing dangerously close. I watched as he studied my face. I knew where this was going and I wasn’t going to let it. No matter how mad at Ryan I got, no matter what I tell him to do or what I would do, I never mean any of it. I felt Chris’ body move closer but I push past him. Before I could make a clear escape, he grabs my hand, spinning me around to face him, “Don’t go”

For some reason, Chris’ voice was triggering my pit of anger. I snatch my hand away and take two steps backwards, “Chris. You need to leave. I won’t let you convince me that this is good because I know better. I should have listened to Ryan. This was never a good idea”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you can’t be here and we shouldn’t hang out like this. It’s wrong. You can’t be my friend if you have other intentions”

Chris stepped forward, reaching for my hand but I stepped out of the way and headed towards the door. Swinging it open, I look at Chris, “It’s time for you to leave. Now”

Chris walked out, leaving me on my own again. I grabbed my phone and absentmindedly dialled Ryan’s number. I hated disagreements and I hated having to say sorry first but this time I was wrong and I knew it. I waited as patiently as I could manage before I hear Ryan’s voice, “Hello”

“Ryan. I need you to come over to my apartment, it’s really important”

“Amelia I…”

“No. Please. It’s an emergency”

Ryan agreed and seconds after hanging up the phone, there was a knock at my door. I open it and wrap my arms around Ryan. Surprised but not second guessing it, Ryan hugs me back.

After going into my apartment, I go on talking, “Ryan. I’m sorry. You were right and I should have listened to you…” Ryan’s face lit with shock from hearing me speak those words, “…I know that you are probably still mad at me and after I’ve finished speaking you might be even angrier at me and I would completely understand if you went back to Sophie but I was sad and needed a friend. I asked Chris to come up. Don’t say anything, I know it was stupid. Things were said, I think he would have kissed me if I let him but I didn’t. I kicked him out because I realised that I was worried about the wrong person’s feelings. As much as I wanted to keep Chris as a friend, I would much rather keep you”

Ryan stood there staring at me which made me incredibly nervous. After letting me panic for a minute or so, he finally walked over and hugged me. Ryan lowered his voice to a whisper, “Why on earth would I go back to Sophie when it’s you that I want?”

He looked at me and added, “I’m sorry that I made you think the worst. I’m also sorry about Chris. Don’t get me wrong, this now gives me a reason to hit him but he was your friend and I know how important he was”

“It’s fine. Well, I would rather you not imply that you were off with Sophie getting back into old habits but it is okay. I’ll make sure to never be alone with Chris and you will stay away from being left alone with Sophie, deal?”

Ryan lightly chuckled to himself, “Deal”