I lost, but i fought || J.B

Chapter 32

A Lamborghini, just for me. A black matte Lamborghini, with a red bow on it.

"happy birthday, Hannah" Justin says coming over to hug me.

"thank you so much!" i squeal in excitement. "but who are all these people?" i whisper.

"oh yeah, this is Alfredo" he gestures towards a guy that is dark skinned, but not totally black.

"hi, I'm Hannah" i smile and take my hand out, but he has other plans. he takes me in for a hug.

"happy birthday" he says and my whole body stiffens, this is a complete stranger hugging me here. when he pulls away he looks at me a little confused, but smile. "people call me Fredo" he say. Justin looks at me and i think he can sense my discomfort, he gives me an apologetic look, but continue to introduce me to the people.

"this is scooter, my manager" he gestures towards a man in his early 30's or late 20's. even though he looks a little old, he can't be older than that and he has a short beard.

"hello, and Happy birthday, Hannah" he says coming in for a hug, and i close my eyes hard as he hugs me, i can feel my muscles clench. 

"thank you" i say with a obvious pained voice. "thank you for the car Justin, but i really have to... ehm.. pee?" i say, trying to find a last minute excuse, but it sounded more like a question. i don't really care i just need to get out of here, the memories, the flashbacks, it's all coming back. my head has no good thoughts in it right now. i take one last look at Justin before i sprint into the house, pushing past a few people. i sprint up the stairs and into my bedroom. i lock the door and the tears come, even if i want them or not. this is no quiet crying this is full on sobbing. it's my birthday today and i miss my brother, this is my third birthday without him. we always celebrated it together, we always slept together the night before just to be the first to say happy birthday to each other.

so many strangers just touched me, okay it was just two, but my whole body is aching now. i've been holding this in for so long, trying to be strong when people touch me, it's been so hard. i can just feel the pain, it's hard to explain, but it's like the pain i felt then is just coming back.

"Hannah?" Justin asks from outside the door.

"yeah" i say.

"cam i come in?" he asks.

"the door is locked" i say coldly.

"can you open it?" he ask, he knows to be patient with me when i'm mad. i stand up from the floor where i had my meltdown, i shuffle my legs towards the door and unlock it. Justin carefully opens the door, i know that the first he going to want to do is hug me, so when he opens his arms and take a step towards me i take a step back.

"please don't touch me" i beg him quietly.

"Hannah i-i" he says not sure what to say.

"Lucas is suppose to be here, he is suppose to be the first one to wish me happy birthday" i say. "two strangers touched me today, they hugged me, they held me close to them, so many people has touch me and i had to be strong, it's hard" Justin looks at me with hurt in his eyes, maybe it was because i told him not to touch me. "my body won't relax, i can feel the pain" i look down as a tear fall down my cheek. i don't think Justin could watch my pain any longer so he pulled me in for a big hug. my muscles clenched again. Justin obviously noticed because he stopped hugging me

"Hannah, stop, you can hug me, i'm your boyfriend!" Justin yelled and punched the wall, i flinch of his sudden outburst. "i hate to see you in so much pain that I - your boyfriend - can't even hug you" he falls down to his knees, i can see him shake. he is crying. "God, why did you do this cruel things to this girl?" he yells, Justin is a Christian, but i'm not really very religious at all.