I lost, but i fought || J.B

Chapter 49

I wake up, my body numb from the lack of sleep. Yesterday, a day where i got terrible news, news that some people would consider good. I'm completely 100 % pregnant, and today i have to tell Pattie, ask her for help, I need her to tell me what to do.

Yesterday I told christian.

After I had seated him down in the livingroom. I just sat there thinking about how to tell him that I, his 16 year old sister, is pregnant. I could't think of a good way to say it so I just burst out in tears.

"i-i'm pregnant" i sobbed in to Christian's shoulder.

"what?" he asked shocked. i just nodded. "you have to tell mom" he said rubbing my lower back. "Justin's the father right?" he asked simply, i nodded as i kept sobbing, keeping him close to me.

he was understanding, so was Will and Sandi. Caitlin still doesn't know as she's on a trip to Joe's cabin with him.

it's raining, the dark clouds crying with me. and even as it's raining i still decide on walking to Pattie's. I put some make up on, trying to hide the black circles that appeared from the lack of sleep i had tonight. i've decided on no crying today. i put a bow in my hair today too. i take on some red pumps, and a grab a red clutch bag to keep my phone in and the pregnancy tests. i put on my black coat, that is almost like a dress. i grab a black umbrella and start walking on the sidewalk. i start thinking about my situation.

what if this isn't such a bad thing, what if we can make this work, but what if Justin doesn't want this, what if Justin leaves me, what if Pattie leaves me. stop thinking like that Hannah! i need to stop over thinking. just live in the moment.

after way less time than i wanted this walk to be, i arrive. i take a deep breath before i knock on the door.

"hi, Hannah what are you doing here?" pattie asks dragging me inside.

"i need to talk to you about something important" i say sighing.

"what is it?" she ask worried.

"let's sit" i say bringing her to the living room. we sit down on the couch.

"Hannah, you're making me worried" i feel my eyes prickle with tears, i look up to make them stop. i don't say anything, i just open my clutch and take out the three positive pregnancy tests and show them to her. "you're-?" she trails off when i nod, looking down shamefully. "Justin's?" she asks. i nod again.

"i'm so sorry" i say shaking my head.

"don't be, this is exiting too, i'm going to be a grandma" she smiles. "have you told Justin?" she asks.

"no, he would cancel the tour, and come her in a second" i giggle.

"good, we should talk to scooter, he will know what to do" she smiles hugging me. "you're not alone Hannah, i'm here" she says stroking my hair.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN; CAN'T TELL HIM?!" pattie screams into the phone louder than i have ever heard her scream. she waits for a reply "HE'S MY SON! HE'S HAVING A BABY WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND! HE DESERVES TO KNOW" she screams again. she waits again. "fine" she huffs. "scooter wants to talk" she says handing me the phone. i leave the room to answer.

"hello?" i asks once i'm in another room.

"Hannah, you can't tell him" he sighs into the phone.

"why?" i ask.

"he will cancel the tour, he will end his career" he say. "you don't want to be the cause of millions of girls heartbreaks, do you?" he asks.

"no" i say.

"and i hear you are starting your own career"

"yeah" i say not sure what that has to do with anything.

"if you tell, i can make sure your career goes to the bottom before it even got a chance to start" he says. i gasp, he wouldn't?

"what?" i whisper.

"break up with Justin and i won't" he challenges. "you're ruining both his and your career" he says.

"okay" i say, i am, i'm ruining everything he built up. "i'll break up with him"

I regret those words as soon as they leave my mouth.

"good do it, eh, right now, if it comes out, i will ruin your career" he threatens one last time before hanging up. a tear fall from my eye. I use pattie's phone to call Justin.

"Hi mom!" he says cheerfully into the phone. i sob. "mom?" he asks.

"no" i choke out.

"Hannah, Babe?" babe, i sob again.

"I love you, but like something happend, and i don't think we can be together anymore" I choke on my own voice trying not to cry so much.

"what?" I can hear the sadness and confusion in his voice.

"someone, something, i can't" I'm crying so much that a proper sentence can't even leave my mouth.

"no, no Hannah" he starts, i can hear he's at the verge of tears. "we can figure this out, just tell me" he says.

"i can't, someone- i can't"

"Hannah, i love you, don't do this to us" he says finally breaking, a sob leaves him.

"I love you too, Justin. I really do" I say calmer. The line is quiet for a while and all I can hear is my sobbing mixed with his. "bye, Justin" i say in to the phone i wait for a reply, but when i don't get one i just hang up, i throw the phone across the room, a pained and sad scream leaving my mouth, making it scatter into pieces.

"Hannah?" Pattie asks from the door. tears streaming down her face.

"I was going to ruin his life, my life" i say looking up at her. "He, scooter, was going to ruin my career, I was going to ruin Justin's" I explain tears falling. "We can't tell anyone, they have to be quiet, he can't know" i say shaking my head. "If i want this kid to survive, we can't tell, I won't have a job then, I'm not accepting money from anyone" I say shaking my head. "He can't know"

The End.