I lost, but i fought || J.B

Chapter 33

"keys?" i ask when i've hung up.

"here" he says holding them up about to give them to me, but when he sees my tearful eyes he stops. "why are you crying?" he asks.

"Zoe is sick, i need to go to the hospital" i say quickly snapping the keys out of his hand. i walk over to the car, open the door and start the ignition. just as i'm about to drive, Justin knocks on the car window.

"we have cake for you" he says concerned.

"Zoe is in the hospital dying and you complain about a cake?" i say sadly, looking at him with teary eyes.

"i don't want you to drive, you are crying, your sight is blurry" he says, and wipe away the tears with his thumbs.

"my sight his fine, i need to go, she needs me" i say.

"okay, want me to come with you?" he asks. i shake my head.

"i need to go alone" i smile weakly. "just eat the cake without me, i don't really like cake" i say. he nods.

"sure, be careful baby" he says, he puts his head trough the car window and kisses me. "call me if you need anything" he murmurs against my lips.

"okay" i say giving him one last peck, wiping my tears and waving goodbye to him. he waves back. i start driving towards the hospital.

i park my car and run inside the hospital. i walk up to the lady that can tell me where her room is. "excuse me? can you tell me where Zoe Sugg is?" i ask politely, but panting from running.

"name please? i can only give requested people access" she tells me, her glasses hanging low on the bridge of her nose.

"Hannah Marie Steele" i say quickly, wanting to see my best friend quickly.

"she's in room 409, floor 3" she says giving me a small smile. i nod and run towards the elevator. i am claustrophobic, from being locked inside the white room of pain for such a long time. i hardly ever lock my door unless i'm crying. small spaces like elevators are the worst.  when it is on my floor i hesitate to walk inside, but i have too. the woman that is already inside there with a boy whom i assume is her son in a wheelchair, looks at me weirdly as i pace back and forth in the small space.

"sorry, i'm just really claustrophobic" i say as we reach the second floor, one floor left. she nods understandingly.

when we reach the third floor i run out of there before the door is even fully open.  as i run down the hallway, i look at the door numbers, 400, 401, 402, 403, 404, 405, 406, 407, 408 and finally 409. i knock on the door before i open it. Zoe is lying on the bed, her face is tear stained. Mr. and Mrs. Sugg is also here, Mrs. sugg is still crying in Mr. Sugg's shoulder, Mr. Sugg only has a few tears falling. Joe and alfie is sitting in one of the corners talking quietly to each other. even though i knocked i don't think they noticed me, not until Zoe looked at me.

"Hannah, come here" she says opening her arms.i walk over to her and hug her.

"I'm not going to ask you if you are okay" i say, because i know she's not.

"i'm starting chemo in an hour" she says.

"good luck, you are strong enough to do this okay?" i say

"okay" she smiles.

an hour later a nurse comes and brings her to the chemo. i tell Zoe that i need to leave because Justin is waiting for me, but in reality i just couldn't stand watching Zoe hurting.

when i get home i'm aware that Justin is still here because i saw his car out side, but i totally ignore it and run up to my room. i don't cry for once, but i start pacing back and forth in my room, breathing hard, actually finding it hard to breath. i run my hand trough my hair. i can't loose another person, my heart can't take it.

after pacing for about ten minutes. i feel my self getting dizzy, the room start spinning, before i know it i fall to the floor with a loud bang, and my eyes close, bringing me to darkness.

"no!" i scream as the heart monitor beeps and shows a flat line. i break down to my knees, crying, the pain is unbearable, i pull out the knife. I hold it in my hands the blade facing me, i push it inside my chest, my life is over, she's gone everyone is gone, around me all the people is focusing on the bed with the now lifeless body. nobody cares about me anymore, there is no one left. The room starts fading into white until the whole place is white, to only thing in there is me. with the knife stabbed in my chest, blood pouring out. i stand up and look around. until i see five well known people with angel wings come down towards me.

"Hannah!" the Lucas angel says running towards me with open arms, but when we are about to hug i fall right through him. he looks at me sadly.

"no, no, no" i says as i push my hand through him several times.

"Mama?" i say walking towards her putting my hand through her too.

"hey sweetie" she smiles her warm motherly smile.

"Papa?" i say putting my hands through him too.

"hi there" he smiles, his cowboy hat on his head just as usual.

"i'm still here, i'm not dead yet, you can still hug me" Zoe says from besides Papa. i walk over to her and just as she said i can still touch her.

"we are gone Hannah, but Zoe is still here, stay by her side and support her, she'll survive, from what i've heard she's a though one" Papa says. I look at Zoe and her wings fade away.

"appreciate what is still by your side" Mama says and put her hands around Lucas and Papa. they start rising to the sky again.

"LOVE YOU HANNAH" Lucas yells just before he is too far away to see them.

"wake up now Hannah, know that i am never leaving you" Zoe says clapping my shoulder while fading away, and it's only me again.

i open my eyes carefully.

***

honestly i don't know how cancer works, so i'm just writing it how i think it is from the small facts i have.

Next update: Friday

Dedication: to jermiaa, her comment was so cute :3

comment to get a dedication.