I lost, but i fought || J.B

Chapter 45

I slept through the rest of the day, waking up the next morning or maybe i should say noon as the clock was 12.30 pm when I woke up. I feel better today, my head is not spinning and i haven't puked another time, my fever is gone, everything is fine. except it isn't, 11 words are haunting me, the 11 words i heard Justin said last night, 11 words that meant so much, 11 words that leads me to where i am right at this moment, 11 words that led me to this beauty saloon.

I just want to show her how much i love her

the words keep haunting me, they keep running through my head, he wants to show me how much he loves me with sëx, and i'm going to let him. not because i feel pressured too, not because i want him to prove that he loves me, not because of me, but because of him, i want to show that i love him too. and in two days he is leaving, leaving for months, months where i won't be able too tell him face to face, months where i won't be able to look him in the eyes and tell him i love him, months where i won't be able to kiss him or hug him, months without him.

"Hannah Marie Steele" a woman calls up, my name echoing through the waiting room. i stand up and she gives me a polite nod and a smile. i smile back and follow her too a little room with a bench/bed looking thing and some shelves with different supplies. "my name is Kayla Fosheen" she says reaching her hand out.

"Hannah Marie Steele" i say shaking her hand. "is there a chance that we can avoid a lot of touching? i have a disorder" i explain.

"yes of course we can, we'll do our best to only use the sticks and only touch when we really have too" she smiles totally understanding my problem.

"thank you" i smile, but when i realize she said 'we' i get a little curious. "you said 'we', who else is going to help you? no men right" i ask, panicking a little.

"no, it's me and Mirajane" she says. "you ready then?" she asks, i nod swallowing the lump in my throat. "i'll leave you here for a second, you take your pants and panties off, lay on the bed, and cover yourself with the towel if you want while you wait" she says leaving the room. i quickly take my galaxy tights off along with my black lace panties. i lay down on the bed and cover my self with the towel. this is a big step with my disorder.

After a minute or two, Kayla knocked on the door, peeking her head in.

"ready?" she asks.

"yeah" i say confidently. she and another woman, whom i assume is mirajane, comes in to the room both smiling.

"hi i'm mirajane, i'll be her to help Kayla" she says shaking my hand as i say my name another time.

"1, 2, 3" i whimper as she rips off the wax paper. "just one more now and we're finished" Mirajane says as Kayla applies the last one. "1, 2, 3, Done!" she squeals, and i whimper when she rips the last one off, now my hair is all gone, my pubic hair that is. yup, Hannah Marie Steele removed her pübic hair for Justin Drew Bieber. what have i done?

"we need to lotion the waxed area, but you might want to do it yourself?" Kayla asks.

"yeah, thanks" i smile.

"it's in this bowl here, we'll leave and you lotion it all up and take your clothes on, when you're done, just pay in the reception then you're all ready to leave. bye" she smiles and waves, before leaving with Mirajane. i lotion my waxed are and put my panties and pants on. i walk out and pay in the reception, it wasn't too expensive or anything and i guess i had a lot of money after singing outside.

next stop, victoria's secret.

As i park outside the mall, i see a very familiar car. the same one as mine, just white. Justin's car. i've parked just two spots away from him. he's here, which means i have to be careful not to be seen by him. he's hanging out with the boys today, saying goodbye to them before he leaves. he's hanging with me tomorrow, and then Friday is there. the day i've dreaded for a month now. i really didn't mind that he was hanging with the boys today, they deserve a proper goodbye too, and i don't want to be the clingy girlfriend, and besides it gave me time to do this.

as i enter the mall i put my hood on, keeping my head low, glancing up every once in a while just to see if i could see Justin anywhere. as i walked past McDonald's i saw Justin with Ryan, Chaz, fredo and Christian, laughing as Chaz threw a piece of his burger on Ryan. i smiled to myself before continuing with my mission.

when i reach victoria's secret, i take my hood off, there is no chance the boys are coming over here, the only stores that are in this area is underwear stores and a store with sëx toys in it. i walk up to the bras and look at all the different patterns you can get, i know Justin likes simple things so no cheetah pattern or anything like that, i'm thinking more of a simple lace set. i look at the various design until i have about three different i can try on. i walk over too the fitting rooms.

the first bra is a very plain white one with a bow in the middle, i try it on and it's too small, my boobs are almost suffocating me. next.

the second bra is a burgundy bra, it has a weird shape, but i liked the color. i try it on, and the only thing sexy about it is the color. it gives me no cleavage at all, none. i think this is a bra for old people with saggy boobs. next.

the last one has to be the one then, it's a light purple with a darker purple lace on top, so the light purple just shows through the lace, Justin did say he liked purple. i try it on and it's perfect, maybe a little smaller than it should be, but that gives me just the right amount of cleavage. i think this is the one.

"excuse me ma'm, do you need any help?" i worker i guess, says knocking on the door.

"do you think this bra is good looking?" i ask opening my door.

"yes" she says adjusting my bra a little. she doesn't really touch me she just touches the bra.

"thanks, do you have any matching panties?" i ask her.

"yes i'll find them for you, it's a thong, is that okay?" she asks and i nod, "great i'll bring it to the counter so when you come to pay, just bring the bra" she smiles. i nod again and she leaves the little fitting room.

after paying for the way too expensive underwear i take my hood on again and start walking back to my car. walking through the mall, looking up occasionally, as i look up in to hollister, i see this very cool Hoodie shirt. i need this. i walk into hollister taking my hood off. i look at the different colors of the hoodie shirts.

"what are you and Hannah doing tomorrow?" i hear a familiar voice say from behind me, my whole body stiffens.

"i guess we're just hanging, i have a surprise for her though"  i hear another familiar voice say. they are in this store, Justin and the boys are right behind me.

i mutter an Norwegian curse and hide behind a rack of clothes.

"i'm going to miss her so fucking much" Justin says. his voice getting lower and lower indicating that they are getting more and more away. i stand up and see that they are all leaving. i let out a sigh of relief and keep looking at the Hoodie shirts.

"Hannah?" someone says from behind me. i freeze and slowly turns, hood off my head, victoria's secret bag in my hand.

"yeah?" i ask fredo which is standing behind me. i try to discreetly hide the bag behind my back.

"why do you have a victoria's secret bag?" he asks smirking.

"can't i just buy some underwear for myself?" i ask my voice too high. 

"no" he says laughing, i look behind him and see that Justin or the rest are not in the store or outside.

"okay, i kinda heard what you guys was talking about last night" i say looking down.

"so you're going to have sex with him?" he ask shocked. i nod embarrassed. "wow, only because he said he wanted too?" he asks concerned.

"no, i want to" i smile.

"good, but i need to get going, i just forgot my phone in the fitting room, the boys are waiting in the car! he chuckles.

"okay, don't tell Justin okay?" i smile too him, he nods and i wave to him.

Everything is going to be perfect tomorrow.

***

WOHOO! guys, the moment you've all been waiting for, in the next chapter.

Julianne, endelig O.o