Drabbles and Containment by A Forum User

Containment Part 10

~Sang~

My eyes traced over the contents of my backpack. I did a mental check of everything on my list. I had packed 2 bottles of water, a pack of dried jerky, a change of clothes and underwear, razors, dry shampoo, rubbing alcohol, regular alcohol, rags, bandages and the duct tape.

I knew Ben would be carrying similar.

A lot of people didn't bother with their hygiene now since the products were hard to come by, but a case of lice and knowing that the less hair I had, the less enemies could grab onto encouraged me to keep myself in shape.

My actual hair though... That I couldn't bring myself to cut off completely. I used a dirty old mirror to keep it shoulder length and tied it up in a tight bun for practicality.

I reached down to pack in my other shirt, but flinched when I felt something cold touch my hand.
I licked my lips and frowned. I'd packed everything other than the clothing. So... What was that? I threw the shirt in haphazardly and my heart froze at what was underneath.

My old diary. I picked it up lightly, feeling the familiar cheap, fake leather under my fingertips.

The pages were yellowed and curling at the edges. But the warm, gentle smell of old books made a tension inside of me release slightly.

New tension replaced it just as quickly.

"Sang? You done in there?" Ben shouted through. His voice had an edge of cautious excitement.

"Uh... Nearly. One second!"

'Notebook' was in that barely legible gold painted writing on the front. Some of it was chipped away and damaged.

Bad memories. Only bad memories Sang, don't go there.

My mind scolded me, but my fingers shakily opened the first page. Pain was hard to resist when it was in a better time.

Hey. Sang here. I... I picked this notebook up at an old store in the Quarantine Zone. Everything was ransacked. But this was left, so I'm using it as a diary. Weird how it all went to hell so easily.

I'm, uh, writing this for you guys. Hi North, Gabe, Kota, Nathan, Victor, Silas, Luke. Dr. Green. Mr. Blackbourne.

I know you all have a good reason for leaving me. I just know it. And I know you'll come for me soon.

July 12th 2014

So I'm going to write down when I can to tell you what's happening to me. And to take my mind of things.

I met a boy called Ben Parker. He's a little older than me, but really nice. You would all like him, I think. Ben's been taking care of me. The soldiers have thrown us in this place, but I expected them to give us... I don't know. Living quarters or something. But apparently we just have to find our own place.

They give out rations for our cards. Some of the stuff is fresh, but they say it won't be like that for long. They don't have any vegetable patches, so I guess it's an 'enjoy it while you can' sort of thing.

I wish I enjoyed being with all of you more when it was normal.

It was empty for a few months.

October 23rd 2014

Me and Ben found a place. Well, we found it when this all started. I haven't written in here for ages. I haven't had the time.

He's really nice, like I said. He asked me a couple of questions about life at home and things, but I didn't tell him anything. All Ben told me was that he worked on a farm with his little brother and father.

I really miss you guys. Every day. But I know you will come for me.

I hope. Please.

The soldiers are changing. They're becoming... Rougher. A man got executed for stealing a can of peaches! It's messed up. I need you.

Food's becoming tighter. A few families are missing out on stuff. I know a family that tried to grow some of their own food, and they try to share, but it's not enough.

Come soon.

It continued like that for a while. Me, being the naïve, stupid girl I was, wishing them to be safe and come home...to me. The condition of the Quarantine Zone deteriorating. Dead bodies in the streets, dead from hunger. How once while walking to see the Adams family I spotted a dead soldier strung up by his neck on a lamppost with the words 'HOW MANY WILL DIE BEFORE YOU SHARE THE FOOD?!' More appeared, the graffiti words scrawling out things like 'WE WILL KILL AS MANY AS IT TAKES. GIVE US OUR RATIONS.'

A lot died. But soldiers replaced soldiers, and deaths of civilians replaced their deaths. How rape and murder became a normal part of life was written their too. My eyes caught on one entry.

Parts of the page were crinkled, where tears had hit the pages. It simply read 'I killed someone.'
I still remembered the way he fell. Never like I expected. His body stiffened and then just... Crumpled. His fingers moving away from my throat and towards the knife I had stabbed into his stomach.

It was a day after Ben had begun teaching me proper defense.

It's been over a year. Where are you?

A year and a half. Please come. I love you. All of you.

Two years. You're not coming, are you?

Please.

Do you remember me? I remember you. Or have you just forgotten that I existed? Is that why you haven't come? Did you want rid of me? Did you never love me? Because I thought you did. But you don't. I know that now. You abandoned me. Just like every-one else has and every-one will.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I despise you.

If I ever see you again, I will murder you.

I hope you rot in hell.

"Sang?" Ben's voice said softly. I jumped and my hands shoved the diary in my bag, zipping it up before he could see.

I'd never told him about them. And I didn't plan too. We both had an unspoken, mutual agreement that until the other was ready to talk we didn't force them too.

He cocked his head at me, dark hair falling in his eyes.

"You okay, lil' darlin'?"

I nodded quietly and slung my backpack over my shoulders, ignoring the slight wince in the left one.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You got everything?"

"All packed up and ready to go."

"Let's do it then."

He nodded and grinned at me. I saw the way that his eyes seemed to shine at the prospect of freedom, and wondered whether the only reason he ever said no to the idea was because he wanted to keep me safe.

I internally shook my head. It couldn't be that. He didn't care for me that much. I would always protect him and do all I could to keep him alive, but on such a personal level was I close? No.

"Let's go see what these fuckers want."