Seeing The Light In Your Eyes

14- "I-I'm Trying, Dean..."

"I-I'm trying, Dean..." he said truthfully, taking a deep breath "but, tha-that was... a lot of... blood," he closed his eyes again.

He wished Dean could just keep hugging him.

"Y-you have my blades.. I-I should be safe..."

Cas honestly couldn't remember if he had extra hidden somewhere. He could probably get creative if he caught an urge strong enough.

Dean pursed his lips and nodded slowly, not knowing what to say.

Castiel splashed some cold water in his face, "I keep them clean and sterile, so you shouldn't be in risk of catching an infection."

Dean nodded again, thankful he wasn't going to come down with something. He walked out of the bathroom, his hand still slightly stinging.

Cas looked at himself in the mirror and sighed before walking out of the room.

As Castiel's urge grew. He saw objects everywhere that were sharp enough to cut through human skin. He didn't say anything to Dean about it. He should have.

He walked with Dean back to the door, "well, bye, I guess.." Castiel said.

Dean walked back, Sam furrowed his eyebrows and asked, "you okay? How did you get cut?"

Dean glanced at Cas, then back to Sam and carefully pulled the tips of the blades out of his pocket, just enough for them to see. Dean was careful not to cut himself again. He dropped them back into his pocket.

Castiel took a step back, and looked at the floor as to not see them.

Sam's eyes widened as he saw the blades. He opened his mouth, wanting to ask where he got them, but he saw Castiel's reaction and he kept quiet.

"Cas, are you okay, you seem... I don't know... not normal?" Angel asked.

Castiel shook his head, "I'm fine," he lied, unsuccessfully.

Dean pursed his lips, "we should go," he turned to Cas, "tell Stacy that Sam picked me up while she was gone, getting beer."

Cas nodded to his boyfriend. He hated having to lie like this. Dean didn't need to be disowned like Cas had been. Dean couldn't lose Sam, he could tell Dean loved his brother.

~-~-~

Not like that you creep!

-~-~-

Sam looked at the two, and gave Cas a nod back as he made his way out of the house, once again.

Angel just gave him a, "bye," she had decided to not ask any more questions.

She walked out with Sam and they linked arms.

It was unfair that Dean and Cas couldn't do that in public. No one expected that to change anytime soon either.

Dean put only his right hand in his right pocket this time. No need for cutting himself again, other than an excuse to go back to Cas, but Dean thought that that would just he awkward. Wouldn't help Cas here either, it could only make it worse.

He waved a 'bye' and walked out of the apartment, following Sam.

"Bye," Castiel said, giving a small wave before closing and locking the door.

He walked and sat down on his couch.

He felt like his thoughts echoed in the room as the silence grew louder.

He went over and put an elvis vinyl on to create some kind of noise.

Cas sat back down, he tried to just focus on his studies.