Seeing The Light In Your Eyes

25- "Not Unless Something Calls For It."

Dean turned onto his side and held a hand over Cas' chest to keep him close, and not let him fall off. He checked the time. It was 6:13.

"I'll need to go in less than 20 minutes," Dean told Cas.

"Okay, and you'll pick me up at 2, right?" Cas asked.

"Right," Dean answered.

"Hey, wait! You still need to learn about the skeleton!"

"We don't have time," Dean said, "next time we're here."

Cas would have glared at Dean if he was facing him, "fine..."

"Don't get mad at me for bringing this up, but..." Dean sighed, "when you met Dick, did he act just like I do now?"

Cas looked down, "of course not, Dean."

"How did he act?"

"He was controling. He knew about my scars and he didn't comfort me when I cut. He yelled at me, like I was in trouble," Cas explained.

"Is that why you were afraid to tell me?" Dean asked.

Cas nodded.

"I won't yell at you, not unless something calls for it," Dean said.

"What would be something that would call for it?" Cas asked.

Dean sighed, "I'm not saying that you would do this, but... if I found you in the bathroom trying to commit suicide. I wouldn't comfort you, I would yell at you for that. Maybe mix of yelling and crying and comforting. I don't know what else."

"Why was the first thing you thought of suicide?" Cas asked.

"Because when I came into your house after you had, you know. While I was driving there I was worried," Dean told him.

"You were worried I had killed myself?" Cas asked.

"Yeah," Dean answered, "and it would have been my fault."

"What do you mean, 'your fault...' ?" Cas asked.

"I was worried about Sam finding out. I put the possibility of me being thrown out of the Winchesters, above making sure you're okay. So this," Dean revealed Cas' bandage, "is my fault."

"Dean, it's not your fault," Cas tried.

"It is, and always will be."

Cas sighed, and ran his fingers over Dean's arm that was keeping him from falling off the bed.

"It's also your fault that I stopped at two cuts."

Dean sighed, "I guess, but..."

"But what?"

"I just wish I could cure you, or something," Dean said.

Cas pursed his lips, "Dean, the fact that scars heal helps."

"What?"

Cas pulled down his other sleeve and sat up. He pointed to a row of six parallel lines across his right arm.

"These were the night Dick left. Before they hurt, but they've healed. And it reminds me that things got better."

Dean looked at him like he was insane, "whatever you say."

Cas sighed and lied back down. Dean put his arm around Cas again.

"You need to get going," Cas told him.

"That sounds like you're kicking me out," Dean said.

"I mean that it's 6:23," Cas explained.

"I need to fix my hair, first."