Seeing The Light In Your Eyes

15- "I'm sorry, Dean."

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Art credit: lumen-a on DeviantArt

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Cas tilted his head up, as tears started staining his face. He looked back down at the glass shard in his hand. He held it tight and threw it against the wall. It exploded on impact and smallers pieces flew across the room, but Cas didn't mind the tiny nicks. He pulled his legs up to his chest and cried.

After a while, he grabbed another piece of glass off the floor.

A minute later, he had two cuts going across his left forearm. They spewed blood but Cas didn't care. He threw the glass against the wall once more and it shattered again. Cas felt so bad now. Dean told him not to, he told him to never hurt himself again.

Cas stood up to stand in front of where the mirror should be. He wiped his face with his right sleeve and started washing the blood off his other arm. He reached for his roll of bandages in the cabinet.

There were three knocks at the door. Cas was confused but pulled down his sleeve, it still bleeding. He walked out of the bathroom and opened the door.

He tried to smile when he saw Dean, but not with what he had done. Cas had made smiling impossible. He invited him in without words.

Dean saw his tear stained face and was worried about him.

Cas crossed his arms to hide the cuts he made. It stung, but he didn't stop. Cas shut the door and looked down at the floor.

Why was Dean here?

"Cas, are you alright?" Dean asked, wrapping his arms around him for a proper hug, that didn't end so quickly.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and began crying again.

What was he supposed to say?

Should he lie? He would be risking Dean knowing that he lied to him.

He just continued hugging Dean tightly and crying.

"Shh..." Dean comforted, stroking the back of Cas' soft hair, "I got you."

He pulled back a little to look into Castiel's eyes, "you didn't hurt yourself while I was gone, did you?"

Cas looked at Dean, his mouth slightly open, but frozen.

What could he say?

He didn't want Dean to get mad, or upset, or disappointed.

He choked out a few words, "I-I'm sorry... Dean..."

Dean creased his brow with worry, "C-Cas... you did... didn't you?" and held Cas' arm and pulled back the sleeve.

He shuddered and looked back to the man's beautiful eyes. Eyes that didn't reflect the drawings he made. Drawings that didn't use paper or pencils.

"Dean, I'm sorry," Cas tried, still crying himself dry, "I just..." he didn't finish.

"Cas..." Dean cried, seeing the two fresh cuts, that hadn't even been bandaged, and were starting to bleed through his sweater.

"I-I didn't know what to do, Dean..." he started, he took a deep breath, "I did stop myself, but... I-I cried myself numb... and the-then... I didn't know what to do..."

Castiel looked down at his arms.

What had he done?

"What did you cut yourself with?" Dean asked the other man, as he tried to keep it together, somewhat.