Seeing The Light In Your Eyes

42- "I Love You."

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Sam had driven Cas home from the hospital, and then returned to his and Dean's--now his--house.

Cas had barely shut the door to his apartment before he dropped to his knees. He pulled out his wallet and took out the picture.

Cas held it between his fingers maybe a little too tight, but he didn't care. He looked at Dean's beautiful smile and how it shined. He looked up at the ceiling.

Cas didn't want to turn on Elvis, he didn't want to do anything. He wanted Dean back.

But that wasn't possible.

Cas looked to the bathroom and genuinely thought about cutting his arms again. Dean had broken his promise, hadn't he?

Cas pursed his lips and stood up. He set the picture on the kitchen counter. There was a small letter written that he spotted.

Cas picked it up.

Cas,

I'm sorry that I broke my promise

Dean

Cas looked down, and just wished Dean had written more. Cas shrunk down and sat against the wall.

He pulled down his sleeves and decided that even if Dean did apologize, he did break his promise. Two of them.

Cas stood up and set the letter by the picture. He wiped his eyes and nose which had gotten all gross from crying.

Cas walked towardd the bathroom. He stopped himself.

God dammit, what I'm  doing isn't good for myself.

Cas turned around and walked to the phone, he picked it up and called what used to be Dean's house.

The line picked up after a moment, "hello?" Sam asked, crying a little.

Cas sobbed into the phone, not being able to catch his breath to make out words.

"Cas?" Sam asked.

Cas nodded but he knew that really wouldn't help Sam here, "it's... it's Cas..."

"Are you okay?"

"No I'm not okay, Sam! My boyfriend died! He was the one light I had in my world of darkness, Sam!"

"Uh, do you need me to come over there?" Sam asked him.

"Yes, please Sam... I need help," Cas told him.

"Okay, I'm coming," Sam said, then hung up the phone.

Cas put out a wobbly hand to set the phone back into the receiver. He set it down, probably not in the right place. He fell to his knees and keeled forward. Cas held his head and tore at his hair. He could last ten minutes.

Just let Sam get here.

He knew Sam wasn't Dean, and he never would be. Right now, Cas needed someone.

Cas stayed in position for a few minutes. His scalp burned from being held up by his hair, but this was coping for him. He continued to pull on his hair until Sam arrived.

Sam knocked three times.

"Come in!" Cas called.

Sam gripped the door handle and came inside. He saw Cas.

"Hey, hey, are you alright?" Sam asked shutting the door and rushing toward him.

Cas shook his head and pulled up his sleeves, "I want, to cut myself."

Sam nodded, his assumptipns being correct, "Cas, look, Dean can still be here with you."

Cas looked up at him with his puffy, teary, blue eyes.

"Look, if you ever have an urge or something, just pretend Dean is there. He can help, if that doesn't work, you can always call me."

Cas nodded and looked to his right, he imagined Dean kneeling there next to him. He smiled ever so softly. Dean wrapped his arms around him and Cas could almost feel it.

"Sam," Cas whispered, "thank you..."

Sam nodded, "anytime, Cas," he started to stand up and leave.

Castiel knew that if he commited suicide, he would not go to Heaven. His family had always been religious, Cas sighed. He wanted to be in Heaven with Dean when he died.

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Castiel lived his life, full and long. He imagined Dean being there when he needed help, like Sam had told him to.

Castiel lived for gay marriage to become legal in all 50 states. When it came on the news, he sat on the couch, crying, and listening to an old song by Elvis. I Can't Help Falling in Love with you.

Castiel died of old age at 97. He was happy at death. It was peaceful, in his sleep.

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Cas awoke to the ironic sound of Highway to Hell playing. He was back to his young self again, when he knew Dean.

A sleek black car drove by him with the license plate CNK 80Q3. Cas smiled as it slowed. The car door opened and Dean stepped out.

Cas burst into tears. It had been so long.

Dean ran to him and pulled him in for the longest kiss in history.

"I love you," Dean whispered in his ear, sobbing as well.

"I love you too," Cas cried.

-END-