Wasted

Chapter 9

Liam's words keep my mind occupied. Is Louis really such a player? He was nice to me and if he was faking all of this he must be a very good actor.
My dad saunters in the kitchen, I get nervous, I didn't spoke him yet. I don't know if he knows about the party.

My thrilling hands drop the spoon I was drying so I bend down to pick it up from the cold floor. The smell of my dad's aftershave fills the room in no time. He takes a plate out of the cabinet while I clean the dropped spoon a second time.

"Good morning." He says a little late.
"Good morning dad." I daren't look into his eyes. He would surely notice something's going on. I'm still not sure if he really doesn't know about the party, this can be one of his tricks.

"What are your plans today?"
"Ehm I don't know yet."
He nods and start setting the table. I finish the dishes of yesterday and place them in the cabinets. I wish I was a better liar, just like Alison, then I didn't have to avoid a conversation with my father and I wouldn't live with the constant fear of breaking his already broken heart.

"Maybe I'm going to the lake with Alison in the afternoon."
Close to our houses is a small beach and a lake, Alison and I used to play there very often when we were kids.
It's only a five minute ride with your bike and it's really fun in summer.

After an awkward silent breakfast I go to my bedroom. I love the pictures of me and Alison on the wall, every time I look at them, the memories come back. Baking pancakes wit my mother and playing in the treehouse in my backyard my father helped us building with. It always fixes a smile on my face.

I open my laptop and check my Facebook. Three new friend requests and two notifications.
Harry Styles, Liam Payne and Zayn Malik asked me to be their friend. I surprise myself by being a tiny little disappointed Louis isn't one of them.
Oh I don't have to think about him, he's a player and if he wasn't he wouldn't want me anyways. I'm not the type of girl boys fall in love with and especially not guys like Louis or Harry. That type of girl is Alison, she and Harry are just great for each other.

I'm also tagged in a picture that's taken on the party yesterday. Alison and Liam are on it too, her looking as flawless and me just as boring and wrong as always. Liam is smiling bright, his brown eyes showing he's truly happy. I wish I could say that too, that I'm truly happy, cause I'm not. I have the constant feeling something is missing. I'm not complete.

I grab my phone and dial Alison's number. While looking at the picture on my screen I wait patiently for her voice to yell through the speaker.

Here you are.

"Hey Maddy girl how are you? Did Ray find out about the party? What did he say? Was he angry?" She rambles.

"I'm good thanks." I answer her very first question. I pause before answering the others, knowing that drives her insane. "My father didn't find out about it I think, he didn't talk about it but you know him. He's a storm you can't hear it's coming."

"Oh that's a relief, see girl, you have to take some risks in life if you don't want to keep that boring life of yours."

There she goes.

Always pointing at how boring my life actually is and how I take no risks.
I just like the security in my life and having no complications at all. Why would I take risks in life instead of having the security everything is going to end well. I can have fun without taking risks too. If my dad wasn't this overprotecting at least.
Him being the concerned father he is gives me more problems than he will ever be able to understand. I can't go out like a normal teenager so I have to do it in secret no matter how much I hate lying to him, he almost makes me.
He's scared I'm going to end up like my mother, in an accident.

"But why are you calling?" Alison wakes me from my thoughts.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the lake with me." I say.
"Oh girl I'd love to but i already have plans." She sighs.
"Harry?"
"Uhu, but catch up later okay. I have to be ready when he gets here."
"Okay, have fun babe."
"Thanks girl, I'll text you."

I hang up and sigh. I could have known she had plans with Harry.
Then I get a new private message on facebook, from Liam.
Immediately a smile grows on my face.

'Hey how are you beautiful? :) x'
He sends me.

'Good thanks, what about you? x'

'Well good I'm going to the lake with Zayn in the afternoon, do you have plans for today?x'

'I was going with Alison too but she already has plans with Harry so I guess I'm staying in today x'

'You can come with us if you like, Zayn would love to have you with us too x'

'Euh sure, why not :) x'

What am I going to do with to boys I barely know? But it's only Liam and Zayn and they are both very nice guys so it won't be awkward, I hope.

'Great, we'll pick you up at two :) x looking forward to see you again.'

'Me too, see ya x'

I close my laptop with a smile. You see, I don't need Alison or taking risks to have some fun. I'm going to the beach with two new friends and I'll have fun without feeling guilty.

I grab my new bikini and put it on, I grab a towel and put it in my brown, leather bag, I love that bag, I got it from my mother for my sixteenth birthday. I put my jeans shorts on and a light pink shirt before sliding into my converses.
I make a ponytail with my brown curls and add some mascara, my black sunglasses on and I'm ready for a day of fun with my brand new friends.

I catch myself on being a bit nervous, or maybe is excited a better word. I only have a few friends, three to be correct. Caleb, Emily and Hanna. Oh wait four if you count Alison with them.
Caleb was my only guy friend until i met Liam and Zayn. I hope we become a sort of close so my group of friends grows a bit when I go to uni. Except of Alison and Caleb are all my friends going to other schools then me.

As I am downstairs my father looks at me with big eyes.
"What's wrong?" I ask a bit worried and look down at my body.
"Nothing it's just.." He sighs and looks at the wooden floor. "You're growing so fast." He admits and looks back into my eyes.
I walk towards him and wrap my arms around him. "Dad I'm eighteen." I smile against this strong chest.
"Yea just what I mean, you are an adult now and you're going to uni very soon and I'm going to miss you so badly. I mean look at you, you are so successful, so beautiful." He says while looking up and down my body.
"Dad don't say that." I say, holding my tears back. He doesn't know how bad he makes me feel with saying this. How guilty I feel for lying to him.

"But it's true, Caroline would be so proud of you." He says, trying to hold his tears back too. Please, stop saying things like this. Hearing my mother's name rolling from his lips makes my heart stop beating for a few seconds. Memories flash for my eyes. The lost of her is still weighting heavy on his chest and mine as well. Moments like this make me realize that I wasn't there for him enough for him. He needed me more than he showed he did. He still needs me more than he'll ever admit.