Wasted

Chapter 47

*Maddy's POV*

Three days it's been.

Three grey days.

Empty.

Not only Louis presence is missing but so is mine.

It's like I'm not even here.

People look through me like I'm just air and that's the way they treat me.

Three long days.

I thought I was gone through the hardest part already. I thought that hearing the actual truth would tear my heart open and it would be all over by then. But that was only the beginning. The sun creeps through the window of Liam's dorm and I sit up straight like I've done all night long. I haven't moved a muscle since Liam left me here on Niall's bed. Niall was staying at his parents' house tonight. Liam is still laying with his back towards me and the duvet up to his bare shoulders.

I'm so confused. I still can't believe that Louis would do that to me, simply because I have a Louis in my mind that doesn't even exist. But still.. I'm still in love with the Louis he made me believe he was and I can't imagine how hard it will be to see him again knowing he isn't 'Louis'. If I'll even see him again.

I want to hear him say it. I need to hear these words from his lips or I'll keep doubting if this is actually happening till the day I die. I will never be over this if I didn't hear his side of the story. If he'd only call me back or just show up I'd be relieved nothing bad happened to him. Well.. To the Louis I'm still in love with. It's do weird to think that when I'll see him I won't be able to kiss him, hug him.. I'd have to act like we're just people that used to talk, not lovers. And that will hurt more than I can imagine.

Maybe he was right about marriage. Perhaps humans aren't made to be with another forever. Just like he said: you think you know people and then they surprise you. Like he had kept that one for me.

Why would you even marry? I always believed in true love but Louis made me think otherwise. Maybe we can't be sure someone will never leave, not even sometimes.

When I suddenly move to get out of bed my muscles are soar from not budging for so long. But actually I don't even care enough to feel it.

I put my clothes on and decide to go for a walk. It's six am and I still have no sign of life from Louis. Not that I still expect one, or even hope on one.. It would just make things a lot easier if this wasn't happening at all.

These three days I've been living like a zombie. I don't sleep, I don't eat. And I'm not even hungry. I must say that I'm tired but I just can't get myself to closing my eyes. Afraid of what I'll may dream of.

I'm slightly accepting the fact that Louis isn't coming back anymore. That the quick peck on my lips when he got called was the last one I'll ever get from him.

It still feels strange to think I've been in love with someone that doesn't even exists but it starts to make sense though. Liam was right from the beginning. I knew he'd leave, I just wished I could be the one to make him decide otherwise. I slowly fell in move with the idea of being able to change him. To make him fall in love with me.

I run off the stairs like I always do, just because I can't take stairs slowly. It's nice to see that Louis wasn't able to completely change me. He did add some words go my dictionary and he taught me how to swear and the way I think about marriage but he didn't change the little facts that make me be still me, in contrast to himself who turns out to be not even close to the person he acted to be.

Fresh air fills my lungs, I have the feeling I can breath for the first time since long. But that breathing is quickly taken away from me again when I see Louis walking up the parking. My heart stands still and my lungs.. They forgot how to work I guess.