Wasted

Chapter 52

*Maddy's POV*

It's ten already and autumn isn't making the days last longer. It's already dark outside but I can't find the strength to start studying.

I don't know how to feel recently. I'm sad, confused, full of questions and trying to be happy at the same time. I can't put a name on how I feel right now. I'm just numb, numb for weeks already. I'm overthinking everything that's happened in my life. From the second I met him to the very last, when I left him after our kiss. He was crying. I was crying. The amount of questions just keeps growing.

Why did he leave?

Where was he?

How does he know Miley?

In what way is she involved?

Where does he get all that money from?

Why did he keep Liam a secret for me?

Why are they still arguing?

Why isn't Louis at school?

Was it all just a game?

Was it not?

Does he really love me?

Does he not?

A pretty long list of questions that I may never get the answers to. I wish I'd have though, it would give me inner peace and just the possibility to calm my brain what's driving insane. I need to keep myself from the thinking cause I'll drown under it.

I keep asking myself if I should try to figure this out or if I should stay out of this. What's the point of figuring out anyways when Louis isn't telling me? Why should I even try? It won't change things between us.

It's just my feminine curiosity that makes me want to know his secret. Also my pity and sorry for Louis in a certain way. I want to know what's hurting him and why he even sacrifices our relationship for it.

I even considered regretting my short but intense relationship with Louis. Then again, why regret something you once wanted?

I adjust my scarf, walking down the parking. I need to get away, meet new people and enjoy my life like Ali told me to. If I stay in my dorm in times like this I'll get depressed.

I walk around the block, nowhere in reticular but just away from everything.

I walk in a bar without thinking. The best memories come from spontaneous action isn't that what they say? So I sit down on a stool, ordering a soda, but after my fifth drink, I'm not so sure it there was only coke in it. A bald man sits down next to me, his short-haired friend on my other side. Both of my elbows are on the counter, my head in between, trying to think straight. Definitely not just coke. My head is slightly spinning and my eyes seem to be slower than usual.

But I don't care. I order another drink, vodka this time. I know it's against my principles but I need it. I need to be away from this fucked up world for a little while. I need to be not able to think straight.

The barkeeper puts a small glass on the counter. "One of the house." He says with a wink and I find myself winking back at him.

"In one time, ad fundum." The bald man on my right smiles and I see he ordered himself a shot as well. "I'll do it with you." He says. Two of my fingers turn the glass in circles on the wooden counter before picking it up. "Okay." I follow the man's actions. The vodka burns in my throat. I'm not used to this but I sure want to try and get to. "Another one." I cough, holding my throat in my two hands.

"That's my girl." The one on the left smiles and orders me my second vodka shot of the night. Another seven follow and I swear it feels like heaven. I've never been drunk before but I have no regrets. It's the best feeling ever. I feel like sitting on clouds and everyone is speaking very slowly. My head seems to be turned off.