Wasted

Chapter 50

*Maddy's POV*

I walk out of my last class of today. Alison following right behind me. I told her everything what happened between me and Louis yesterday. Of course she was more than excited we kissed. She supports me in my decisions even though she'd rather see us together than apart.

"You okay?" She asks. No. Of course I'm not. I broke up with my first real boyfriend, the one that took my virginity and the one I love more than anyone else. But seen the circumstances I am pretty much okay. I mean I haven't cried today and I did last half of my math class without thinking about him what's a record in a long time.

I don't answer her question cause there isn't any need to. She knows I'm not she's only trying to be nice and she also knows I appreciate that. I don't need to answer for her to know.

"I need some sleep." I sigh. I haven't closed an eye last night, not finding a comfortable position to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about how different it was from being snuggled up against his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist as my back pressed against his front. The bed was too cold and for my opinion I had too much place to sleep. The nights I almost fell out of the bed with Louis right next to me or the nights Louis had pulled all of the duvet to his side... You only know how much you love something when it's gone. And that's what it is. Gone.

I noticed Louis isn't sleeping in his dorm anymore and I haven't seen him in class either. What makes it easier for me but at the same time it's a big change from seeing him all the time to not anymore in such a short period. My own choice, if it was for him we were together now. I need to stop thinking about that.

Alison nods and follows Caleb outside, they had plans today. They asked me to come with them like the good old days but I friendly thanked for it.

When I finally reach my dorm I let myself fall onto my bed and let out a big sigh that needed to escape. I pull my hair out of his ponytail so it spreads itself on my white pillow. The cold fabric striking the skin of my neck softly. In no time I am asleep, lying under the sheets no matter how warm it is in the room.

• • • • •

A loud gasp escapes my lips as I sit up. Sweat is on my forehead and my hands are shaking. I pull my eyes open, slowly adjusting to the fact it was all just a dream.

Louis is doing well. He's not into drugs again. He isn't drinking again. He didn't quit school. He still has his apartment and he isn't hurt that much. He's still just making his dreams come true.

It just can't be.

A tear rolls down my cheek. This nightmare was just terrible. I know it was just a dream but it was really scary. I hope he's okay.

As much as I want to text him, I don't. It's probably not the right time to talk to him after I just broke up with him. Against both of our wills. I would give him false hope and it wouldn't be fair to do. And also for me it would be better if I could just gorget about him.

I wipe my tear away and slide my legs from under the sheets. My bare feet touch the cold floor as I stand up. I walk towards the closer, only wearing a baggy shirt and panties.

I go through all the clothes, nothing in there that's good to wear this time of the year. It's half October and I ran out of all the clothes I can wear. It's still too warm for a warm sweater but it is too cold to just wear a blouse or t-shirt.

I decide wearing a thin sweater, dark grey and a dark blue jeans. I slide in my converses and swing a scarf around my neck. Ready to go for a walk.

I made a good choice wearing a sweater, there's a chill breeze that lifts my dark uncombed hair up. The sky still colored in a beautiful shade of pink that warms my heart for some reason. It's really peaceful and quiet here. Nobody seems to be awake this hour. It's only six in the morning. Or perhaps they think it's too cold to come outside.