Wasted

Chapter 14

Another terrible short one I'm sorry but I'm working on a long one :)))))

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Liam creeps into my mind every free second of time. I can't warp my mind around why he would leave like that. I mean, we're going on a date, a friends-date and I think nothing's wrong with that. No Alison, arranging things, no pushing. It can be fun but considering how Liam left I guess this date isn't going to be that fun.

My mind is so full of bullshit and I really need to clear it. I was already tired but now Liam came here it became even worse. My head is bouncing and time seems frozen, it seems like everything around me is going in slow motion. But inside of my every inch of my body is racing, all the thoughts and feelings are crossing up and down my body.

I put my converse on and the dark outside isn't stopping me. My dad is already asleep. My sweatpants warm my legs but my bare arms are freezing in the cold of the night. I don't even know what time it is. I check my phone, five new messages. Three from Alison and one from Liam and one from an unrecognized number. I decide not to read the ones Alison sent me so I open Liam's.

'Hey, is tomorrow alright? I'll pick you up at seven x'

I could text him that tomorrow isn't okay at all and lie to him. I could also be very honest and tell him I don't think a date is a very good idea. I could tell him I don't want to be more than friends again and again.

But I don't do any of that. I don't do what I could or should, I never did.

Instead I text him that's alright and that I'd love to go on a date again.

'That would be great :)x'

The last message from the unrecognized number seems to calm me down, seems to tell me that there still are people with good meanings who care about me. Not that Alison and Liam don't care about me but.. Not right now. They're messing with my mind now and I don't want to give in. I can't give her what she wants, she has to stop trying to control my life like it's hers. I just don't have it in me to stand up for myself. But this text makes me feel I don't have to face my 'problems' alone. That there are still people who're not only thinking about them self.

'Feeling better? Remember if you wanna talk I'm there for you :) x Louis'

Then again I may be a bit too enthusiastic about this, Liam and Niall warned me for him and his tricks. He probably just want to get something out of this too.

But on the other hand he's so kind, he's the only one who wants to talk to me. I could just be nice to him and be careful, I can have him as a friend without being one of those girls, I'm nothing like that.

'No, haha but don't mind it, It'll get better with time :)x'

I try to stay positive, ignoring the screams and cries from deep down inside of me. I sit down on the bench I met Louis the last time, I'm staring to what's in front of me even though it's dark and I can't see a thing. I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them.

'I can call you? Or come to the bench if you want to? x'

I have this double feeling about this, on the one hand he's so nice and helping but on the other hand this can be a trick, I can be fooled with and this can all be fake.

'I actually would like some company x'

My thumbs are slow of the cold, typing this short message feels like hours.

'I'll be there in two minutes :)x'

I start thinking about Alison, what makes things do difficult now? We've been friends for ages and we both did stupid things before but they never made me feel like this, there's something going on here but I can't put a name on it. She was always honest to me, never told me a single lie in her whole life. Why would she push me this much, she always complained about me being single but it never got this far, this actually started since that party. But why? Why is it this time so different from the others?

So many questions are swimming in my head and I know I need the answers to calm down, tomorrow I call Alison and we'll talk this through. We have to cause this is no manner. This feeling of being not without her but not with her at the same time is killing me from inside. We've been so close for years and now I feel like this is fading away, I'm losing her and the worst thing is that I'm too tired to do anything about it. It's not only because of the date with Liam, it's our relationship in general. It's sinking and she doesn't want to see it. She's going her own way and mine seems to stand still, not going in any direction. She's blind and I'm exhausted, not a good combination really. Maybe it's just the fact that she's happy and I'm not. I don't know where this feeling is coming from so sudden, like it was waiting for me around the corner to attack me. I'm living in my own bubble and nobody seems to be in it with me. I'm no good for anybody and I can't do anything good. Nothing is enough. Haven't I suffered enough?

A hand suddenly rest on my shoulder, a warm breath talking against my neck.

"Hey there." Louis says and sits down next to me. "What's wrong? Why is a beautiful girl like you looking this sad?" His words sound charming but wrong at the same time.

"I don't know really, a lot of things I guess." I answer him honestly.

"Everything is coming together and you've been hiding your feelings for so long and now you're about to explode?" He asks, a weak smile tugging at his lips. He makes it look so simple, he knows exactly how I feel.

"Yea, exactly." I give him a small smile back. He comes a bit closer and puts his arm on my leg. "Everything will be alright, just don't give up and head up, you can't take yourself down." He speaks and his blue eyes seem to look straight to me.