Wasted

Chapter 29

*Louis' POV*

My brain doesn't seem to connect with my body and especially not with my mouth. I'm talking nonsense. Her lips are still on mine and her body is pressed against my torso.

I said I loved her. What the actual fuck. Why am I acting this weird the last days? I catch myself on loving being around her and I said her like four times I love her without planning on it. Four fucking times. I need to quit with this.. I need to break her soon cause this is doing no good to me. I'm not in love with her and I don't want to be. It will all be better if I just break her heart now and get the hell out of here, she's attached enough anyway. Look at her, the virgin, on top of me, kissing like she's about to die any second.

It scares me that I have no control about what I'm saying when I'm around this girl. I forget to focus and I forget about why I'm doing this. I forget about everything around me.

If Harry only new, he'd be grinning and throw multiple "told you"'s towards me but it isn't like that. I'm not in love, I don't even like her. Well that's not completely true, I kind of like her but not in the way that Harry assumes. This is just.. Weird.

"What's wrong?" Madison asks. She pushes herself off of me. She's laying next to me on the white sheets, staring at the ceiling. I do the same.

"Nothing." I speak. "I'm sorry." I turn on my side so I'm facing her but she doesn't look at me.

"Nothing is wrong baby." My mouth speaks for me. "Everything is perfect now." Haha what the fuck did I just say? I mentally facepalm myself.

Her green eyes blink, just once. She takes a deep breath. "Are u sure about this?" She asks. "About everything that's going on now?"

"I've never been so sure about something before in my entire life." I says and I actually mean it. This has to happen.

She tries to hide it but the corners of her mouth turn up. She tries to fight it but a small smile breaks through.

"Busted." I smile and kiss her cheek. She turns around so she's laying on her side. Her small hand finds it's way to my face and strikes my cheek. A small smile plays on her pink lips. I grab her hips and bring her body closer to mine, so I can smell the sent of her shampoo in her hair. She bites her lip as I bring her face closer to mine.

She needs me. I can read it in the lightgreen of her eyes.

My lips brush her cheek and find their way to her lips. Her damn soft lips. She kisses them, slow and softly, slightly teasing. I smile against her mouth. The feeling of knowing that someone loves you unconditionally is indescribable. The feeling I have when I'm around is so weird, I know she loves me, she gives me that security just by looking at me with those eyes. She isn't like the others, she's different and I kind of like this different. Kind of.

It takes me longer, like Harry said, normally I would have already left her, I already would have hurt her. It's just.. I don't know how to do it, she really loves me and I never had that before. I don't know what to do now, plans have been changed. She changed them.

It's almost like I'm trying to have more time together with her. I catch myself on liking to have her near me. She's damn annoying but she's funny and she's the only girl that has ever truly loved me, even though her friends told her not to.

But it isn't like Harry thinks, I like her and I wish I didn't then things wouldn't get complicated but I don't love her. No.

There's that thing about her, her honesty and innocence, that keep me from hurting her. I almost feel like she doesn't deserve that. But I need to do it, there's no way back anymore.

Madison closes her eyes while she kisses me for a last time.

"I-I have to go." I say. "I'll be back soon." I crawl out of bed and grab my pants and shirt off the floor and put them on, green eyes quietly observing.

"Where are you going?" She asks and sits up, she pulls the duvet up her chest. I plant a small kiss on her forehead.

"I'll be back soon." I assure her.

"That's not what I asked." Her voice cracks in the end.

"I don't know." I sigh. And with that I walk out of her dorm.

The cold of the chill evening air hits my bare arms as I walk outside. It's getting darker outside and the parking is empty except of a few cars.

"You here." I recognize the voice. I turn around to find the tall blond guy Maddy was talking to this morning.

"Oh you." I say, I forgot his name.

"Caleb." He reminds me. "Louis right?" I nod in response.

"So.." He starts. "How did you met her?" He asks straight away.

"Uhm I met her on a party." I say, surprising myself by remembering.

"Oh." He says, asking for more details.

"I uh spilled my drink over her, accidentally." I say what makes him smile. "Yeah," I say.

"I wouldn't hurt her if I were you." He says, does he know? "She's really in love and that never happened to her before." He starts. "And if you hurt her you'll have to deal with me." He says. I stay silent, not knowing what to say, what does he know?

"Look I think you're a good guy but I'm not blind." I gulp. "I know your kind, but I'm not giving you a chance to let that happen so I'm just saying." Caleb speaks. "She's a good girl you know and I think she deserves better than you but I trust you okay? You better don't hurt her when I'm still alive."

"I wasn't going to.."

"Louis, I know your kind and I know what you did in the past. I'm not letting that happen again, you have one chance so don't ruin it." I keep silent.

"Just saying." He says, "I'll see you around."

And with that the blond guy disappears again as sudden as he came. I shake my head, what the fuck just happened?