Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Four

-Andy's POV-

Rye was at the other side of the lake as I stood on the homemade diving board, bouncing slightly. The water rippled below me, promising a cool, fresh relief from the stifling hot summer air. I wondered what it would be like to sink into it and not come back up, wondered if the water would fog all my senses and erase all the pain and discomfort. I glanced at Rye again – He was leaning back, soaking in the sun. My head began to spin.

The bright light gave the scene a blurry sort of dreamlike quality to it. I felt the rough wood under my feet – That was real. A rare breeze brushed past me – That was real. I rested my hand on my chest – I was real. I had an entire life ahead of me. I was part of a growing band, I had a loving family and fanbase and friends. The future looked bright, with endless opportunities to be discovered. Whether or not Liv dated Mikey didn't change a thing. Even if she preferred his company over mine. Even if she stopped speaking to me entirely. Right?

I swallowed hard. I'd gotten better at pushing back the feeling that I wasn't good enough, and that I never would be, but it suddenly came back, all at once, as if running into a wall. I felt my hands begin to shake. Nobody was around. Rye wouldn't notice. I made the leap.

The water was an instant relief, the coolness spreading throughout my body. I should come up. I knew that I should come up. But the sun seemed too harsh and bright, and I liked how it felt down here. I would push up in a moment, I would. I opened my eyes, looking at the distorted world about me, and, for just a moment, I wasn't afraid. I let myself sink, feeling at absolute peace with everything, watching a little bubble escape as I took a breath. In fact, I could say that I felt happy, even blissful, as I watched the world fade to black.