Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter One Hundred and Twelve

-Rye's POV-

I hadn't expected it to be easy. Then again, I hadn't really anticipated that it'd be this hard, either. I felt like a dog, perking up and then flinching at the slightest of sounds. Someone screaming made my breath lodge in my throat, and I'd paused in the middle of the busy station, trying to pinpoint its location, needing to know that whoever it was was alright. I'd stood on my titptoes, looking over the rush of people before I found its source – A little girl crying, blubbering about a stuffed animal that she'd lost.

I hadn't even paused to check the time, just headed backwards towards the entrance to the station, where the girl's parents were now dragging her away from. Every second felt like it morphed into infinity, and I knew that I'd simply be adding to my time by doing this. But, here was the thing; I'd let my guard down once. One time, I had stood there and done nothing. I didn't want to make the same mistake again.

It was hard to scan the floor when so many people's shoes were moving along it at once, and it was hard to breathe with so many memories crowding my head at once, but somehow, within an hour – or, a couple of minutes that dragged along painfully – I was pretty sure that I'd found it. A ragged stuffed bunny, fur rubbed short from being held and cuddled too many times, a little scuffed up and dirty from being kicked around the floor, laying nearly at the edge of the tracks.

For a glorious moment I forgot about what I was dealing with and ran over to it, hoping against hope that I'd be able to find the girl and return it to her. Make a difference in one person's life. When I was only a few steps away, somebody not paying attention kicked it, and the bunny went flying across the cement. I'd leapt for it and belly flopped onto the ground. My chest ached upon impact, but I came up with the tip of a bunny ear clenched between my fingers.

I'd been breathless then, but somehow, my lungs still came through as I sprinted down half of the station. I'd had to remind myself that the people were whipping by because I was the one moving, not them. The bright lights advertising pizza were just signs, not a signal that there was an emergency. The clacking of a train pulling in was not that of a bullet being discharged from a gun.

I'd planned to search until I found the rightful owner of the stuffed animal, but in the end, I'd had to admit defeat. The girl and her family were gone, and I would spontaneously combust if I had to stay and wait in this wretched place for another train to Bristol to come. It had felt like an ominous sign that I'd failed once again, and I couldn't help but think that maybe failing was all that I was ever destined to do.

I'd chosen a seat and plopped down hard, hanging my head and trying to catch my breath. When a small hand rested on my arm, I'd flinched, uncomfortable with the contact, but I'd looked up to see the little girl – Her hazel eyes were widened and still a little red around the rims.

"Excuse me," She'd said, looking back at her parents as if to double check that she was using her manners correctly. "I think, I think you have my bunny." Her voice wobbled from the tears she'd recently spilled. I wanted to cry as well, to grab her into a hug and tell her to hold onto her innocence that youth didn't last very long at all. I wanted to tell her not to let the world change her, even though I knew well enough that it was never a choice when it did.

Instead, I abandoned words entirely and simply gave her the bunny with a smile. She snatched it quickly from my hand, making sure that I wasn't about to change my mind, and smushed it against her chest, holding it tightly.

She moved to go back to her seat and her mother called out, "Gracie, what do we say?" She gave me the obligated "thank you!" before returning to attention back to her beloved friend. I still couldn't find the right words to say, so I looked back down at the charm on my bracelet, still smiling, and feeling a little more hopeful that there was a possibility that I would be able to make it through this in one piece.

Of course, that serenity didn't last long. It shattered the moment that the conductor's voice boomed over the loudspeaker. It took me by surprise, and as much as I attempted to keep myself together, I couldn't. I broke apart into a million pieces and completely lost control of where my mind went. I couldn't tell if the lights were actually flickering, or if it was all in my head.

The happiness that I'd felt was molded into anger, and then fear, because I felt so utterly, terribly alone. Nobody else understood. Nobody else in this train car felt like a trapper animal when the doors clanged shut. Their heads didn't start pounding along to the frantic rhythms of their hearts as they became convinced that somebody standing in here was an escaped convict looking to make a return appearance.

My mind couldn't decide on what to think or feel or do, and the scene flashed around me, changing from what it was to what it had been to one perfectly solid, unflinching face as the trigger was pulled. Anyone else standing there would probably say that the train car never changed, but for me, it was all real. The screaming. The flashing lights. The absence of Liv being held close to my chest, which made me convinced that I'd made a terrible mistake and I had to go back, I had to getoutgetoutgetout.

The screaming, the crying, the yelling, it reverberated inside of me, echoing from my memory and from how I felt. The world dipped and swayed and curved like a nightmare until it all became too much and it ended abruptly, fading to black.