Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter One Hundred and Six

           

-Liv's POV-

            "I'll stay up with you," Mikey smiled at me, leaning forward to plant a kiss on my lips.

            "Mmmhmmm," I said, grinning back at him. "There's no way you're going to make it. My bet is that you make it to 3 or 4am, at the latest."

            "Excuse me, I think you underestimate my ability to stay up all night," Mikey playfully argued with me.

            "I made an educated guess based on past experiences. Such as, falling asleep on car rides back, during late night Facetime calls, that one time on the train, and you missed your stop..."

            "I pulled an all-nighter the other night," He pointed out.

            "So I heard. I also heard that you crashed around 2am."

            "I can't believe Rye would rat me out like that," He frowned.

            "Speaking of which, what was that phone call about?" I asked. He'd gotten up from cuddling with me to take the call in the hallway, and the came back, saying, "You should probably try to fall asleep some time before 6am, because I need to leave in order to catch my train then." I'd said that it would probably be easier for me if I just didn't sleep at all, and he'd proposed the plan that I knew he'd never be able to carry out.

            "It was Jack. Rye had a bit of a breakdown, I think. Speaking of which, how have you been feeling about things? I know we haven't spoken about that a lot." He reached out and twisted a piece of my hair with his fingers.

            "I hope he's okay. It's been getting better, sort of." I'd found that I'd been thinking about it a little less frequently, and I hadn't had another panic attack since the one from when I'd first gotten home. Baby steps, but progress was progress.

            "Me too. I feel bad that I wasn't there, but..." He kissed me slowly, resting his fingertips on the bottom of my chin. "I'm glad that I'm here with you. You can always talk to me, yeah?"

            "I mean, sometimes, hearing a lone siren at 4am will remind me of it. But it's not the same for me as it is for Rye – It doesn't take me back there. I just hate knowing that it happened." He reached for my hand underneath the blanket and squeezed it.
             "You don't have to feel bad that you haven't reacted in the same way that Rye has. You're different people, and you played different roles in it. What you feel is just as valid." He always knew just the right words to say. Sometimes, when we weren't speaking, it was easy to forget that. I studied his face, how it looked illuminated by the fairy lights.

            I kissed him again, and he muttered, "I love you, Liv."

            "I love you too," I said, kissing underneath his chin.

            "I really mean it," He said seriously. "I love you more than anything else in the world."

            "Mmm." I sucked on the little bit of skin by his collarbone, and he moaned, but refued to let himself get carried away. He sat up, his head leaning against the headboard.

            "Did you know that we'll be in New York for our six month anniversary?"

            I'd actually forgotten about that, but I didn't say so. Instead, I said, "I'm glad," and then kissed him some more. I sat in his lap, and he leaned forward so that our foreheads were touching.

            "I missed you," He said sadly.

            "Then let's not fight again." He wiped a stray eyelash off of my cheek. "Make a wish," I whispered, and he closed his eyes and blew it away.

            "I wish it were that simple." In the darkness of my room in the late hours of the night, stretching out into the very, very early morning, I felt like I was seeing more than just his bare skin – I was seeing his soul. He made having sex feel more important, more emotional – He brought to life the term "making love." I liked being as close to him as physically possible, how it felt like we stopped existing as two separate entities and became one instead.

            That had been another downfall to living with so many other boys – It had been way too long since we'd done it. Even when we finished, and Mikey fell asleep against me, just as I'd known he would, the feeling carried on and on. I wanted it to last forever.