Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Seventeen

-Mikey's POV-

We were hit with the news as soon as we'd come back to the flat. You might think that you'd get used to being informed of terrible things after a certain number of times, but it did nothing to ease the pain, the shock, the fear of it. It was like being hit with another staggering blow as you were struggling to come back up.

Even worse, it was a wound that nothing and nobody could heal. The thing we had managed to get control over, however, was the freak-out that had exploded the day before. I couldn't help myself from reacting when Blair calmly broke the news to us – My mind pinged back and forth between Liv and Rye. My girlfriend. My best friend.

I had sunk slowly to the ground, hands covering my mouth. The rest of the boys, even Andy, had surrounded me, holding me tightly while I broke apart. The room was quiet except for the sound of my sobs.

Nobody asked questions – I think we all knew that none of us had very much information on what was happening. The thought was terrifying, like we scrambling around, reaching for something important, but we all had blindfolds on.

Once I had managed to pull myself together, wipe the tears off of my face, we all piled into Blair's car. I was shoved between the door and Brooklyn, who kept his arm around me. I remembered how I'd held Liv against me the other day, how she'd made me feel safe – But now I didn't know for sure where she was, if she was in danger, what she was going through. If she was dead. I let out a sound that didn't even sound human. I should've gone with Rye. I should've been there for her. I couldn't bear the idea that I could lose here without even having gotten the chance to say goodbye.

She was the most important part of my life. She was my life. Without her, I didn't even know who I was. Brooklyn squeezed harder, and I was sure it was meant to make me feel better, but it only made me feel worse.

"Please get off of me," I snapped, and he looked hurt, but he moved his arm anyways, turning to Jack, who allowed him to cuddle into him on one side, Andy on the other. Fine. The three of them could get through it together.

I leaned against the window, hugging myself, even as the moving car made my head feel like a smoothie. It was okay, I didn't want to think. I pushed away the boys' comfort as a way to punish myself – I wasn't deserving of their love. Liv may be going through this by herself – Who was to say that she and Rye were even together? – So I deserved to, as well.

I watched the world fly by outside the window, feeling as if I was going to be sick, until it stopped. It was only then that I finally lifted my head up to see what was going on – A massive car jam was in front of us, preventing us from going any further. Looking around, I realized that we were still a few miles from Slough Station – So close but so far away.

I was tempted to open the door and simply walk the rest of the way, but when I voiced the idea, partly as a joke, Blair told me not to be an idiot.

"I understand that you want to know what's going on with Liv and Rye. We all do. But we don't know what's going on down there. The last thing we need right now is to lose another one of yous or to allow you to go into a dangerous situation. You hear me? That goes for all of you." He gave Andy a pointed look in the rearview mirror.

I didn't even bother to try and decode it – I cared about Andy, I really did. I wanted to know more about what had happened yesterday, because what I had heard wasn't adding up to what I'd been told – But right now wasn't the time or place for that. He was here beside us. Maybe a little worn out, but he was alive – Both of those were facts. Whether or not Liv and Rye were even alive wasn't a certainty right now, and the thought scared me straight to the bone.

I couldn't say how much time passed before we started moving again. Even if it had only been a minute, it would've felt like forever to me. Each second left away from them was excruciating.

The thought of Liv still having to leave again after all of this was too much for me to even cope with at the moment, so I had to push the thought aside. It was best for me if I took things one step at a time for now.

As we got closer, I saw the police cars and ambulances crowded around the station, along with giant masses of people milling about. Once Blair realized that we wouldn't be getting any closer, he finally let us get out, making us all promise to stick together no matter what. My legs felt cramped from all the time stuck in the car.

Scanning the scene felt like some insane real-life version of Where's Waldo, only minus the telltale red and white stripes – I didn't even know what they had on today. I didn't know where to begin, or how we would ever find Liv and Rye. The seclusion that I had forced upon myself was rapidly becoming less than desirable, so I didn't push Andy away when he came over and reached for my hand.

He didn't need words to tell me that we were still on the same team. It was difficult for me to imagine just how hard this must be for him – He had lived through whatever had gone down yesterday. I had merely been witness to only a portion of the fallout from it. I could beat myself up over this some other time – For now, it would benefit everyone if we could get through this together.

We were prepared to dive into the ocean of people when I saw her – I let go of Andy and ran to her, wrapping her into my arms. I had never been so happy to see someone before, and holding her had never felt this good.

I might've stood there like that forever and have been content, but then Andy spoke – "Where's Rye?"