Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Seventy

           

-Rye's POV-

            "You've got this," Andy said, and I nodded, unsure of whether or not I really had it at all, but knowing that there was no going back now. It had been a long, emotionally exhausting day, and it had all led up to this. My hands felt slick as I gripped the microphone, and I took one last look at Liv, who gave me a thumbs-up.

            "Just breathe," She mouthed. I knew that today had been difficult for her, as well. Soon it would be over, but I still had to get the hardest part done with. I was glad that I had my four best friends by my side as we made our way onto the stage.

            The crowd roared, but, for the first time since it had happened, the noise and the people didn't offset me – I was here for a reason, and as much as it terrified me, I was determined to do it. I looked around, making double sure that the security were protecting the stage, and viewing the other boys, my brothers, not by blood, by my heart, and they all shot me encouraging looks.

            I knew that Blair and Liv were right backstage, and that my family had made the trip out just to see me today, and that they were somewhere in the crowd. I cleared my throat, procrastinating for one more moment before I began to speak.

            "About a month ago, I went to Slough Station to meet my friend," I started, squinting at the bright lights in the arena, which were beginning to flicker on as the sun set and the sky slowly began to fade to black.

            "A day that started out normally turned into a nightmare." I paused once again, trying to sum up the courage I needed for what I was about to say next. I felt Mikey behind me, squeezing my unscathed shoulder.

            "I was one of the lucky ones. His bullet only went through my shoulder. But there is never a day that goes by that I don't think about the precious lives that were lost. I'll admit it, this...hasn't been easy for me. But tonight, I can feel the love from each and every one of you, and I'm sending my love to everyone who has been affected by this tragic event, especially the families of those whose lives were lost. This one's for them."

            I knew that the confession was supposed to be a relief, but I could feel my chest clench up with the uncertainty of how people would react, or if I would be treated differently now that they knew. Still, I pushed the feeling aside. This day, this performance – It wasn't about me. It was about the people who hadn't made it out of the station that day. People who, just like I did, entered it with no idea of what was to come. Maybe it was something they did every day, or maybe it was a one time thing, meeting up with a family member or something. Returning somebody's phone.

            I had to swallow back a fresh wave of tears before the song had been started. Just like during our sleepover all that time ago, we were keeping our cover of Hallelujah simple – The lights began to dim as Andy strummed his guitar. For the first time, I was able to put all of the emotions I was feeling into something good.

            I could hear our voices echo back and the crowd softly singing along, and see the flashlights on their phones as they waved them back and forth. Tears openly streamed down my face, but I let them come.

            I had met with some of the survivors and family members earlier on, and, even if it was only temporarily, I let the positive emotions, the love, to find its way in. I wasn't alone. And one man's hatred shouldn't blind me form all of the good in the world. Just because he couldn't see beyond his anger didn't mean that I should also have to be held back by it. I closed my eyes and let this newfound realization wash over me. I made the decision to embrace recovery instead of fighting it.

            One by one, the other boys stopped singing and allowed me to belt out the last "Hallelujah" by myself. I opened my eyes as the crowd burst into applause. I covered my mouth as a sob that was part sadness and part happiness overtook me. The others piled on into a giant group hug, and we took a moment to appreciate all that we had, and remember all that was lost, before leaving the stage.

            I was immediately greeted by Liv, who gathered me up into a hug of her own. Eyes overflowing, she whispered, "I am so proud of you." I rocked her back and forth.

            "Same right back to you." I knew that it was a day that I would never forget. I wanted to take what I had learned and what I felt right now along with me forever. I wanted to stop shying away from the past and instead learn from it. Grow from it. I was ready for a set of new beginnings.