Can You Keep A Secret?

Chapter Twenty-Two

-Liv's POV-

A day of shopping with my best friend had ended up being just what I need – Somehow, in that magic way that he always managed to do, I was able to temporarily forget everything that had happened and simply let go and enjoy myself. He rated everything that I put on from a scale of 1 to 10, and encouraged me to buy basically everything that I looked good in – He kept saying, "Spoil yourself, babygirl, the world deserves to see you in that."

He ended up being weighed down with bags full of clothing, but he refused to let me carry anything. He said it was making up for all the gym sessions that he missed, and he seemed to be doing okay, but I kept my eyes on him, anyways. I had skirted around the topic of what had really happened on Tuesday, but I didn't say anything outright – For now, it felt good to let go of everything and to just have fun and laugh until my stomach hurt.

I convinced him to get something for himself, as well, pointing out all the shoe shops we passed by until he lost any willpower to resist it. He tried on a pair of heels just to make me laugh, even going so far as to ask the cashier if they had a pair in his size for him to try on. He had pranced around the stop in them, pretending to actually consider purchasing them. He almost fell a couple of times, but covered it up.

By the time he had circled back around to me, I was in near tears with laughter. He had taken them off, and then looked at them for a second before decisively saying, "You know what? I just don't think this shade of pink is right for me. I'm more of a magenta man myself." He had shrugged and put them back into the box, which was around the time a fan came over.

His face had lit up. "Rysa!" He exclaimed while they had hugged. He introduced me to her before taking the heels back out, saying that he needed a second opinion on how they looked on him.

"What? You never even asked for mine," I had laughed.

"Look! You're laughing like a fool. I know that Rysa will take me seriously, right, babe?" She hid her smile behind her hand while he did his supermodel walk again.

She had her phone out, and when he flat out tripped over himself, I said, between peals of laughter, "Oh my God, I hope you filmed that." She'd turned me around and given me a thumbs up, not letting Andy know that she had. He had gotten back up, brushing off his shirt, mumbling about how we hadn't helped him back up, but I couldn't help but note how happy he looked.

"Clearly, these shoes are out to kill me," he said, packing the away once again.

"Maybe they're not the ones for you, but I saw a dress that you would look perfect in at Forever 21."

He put his hand on his hip and pretended to glare at me, but instead of telling me not to make fun of him, he said "Olivia. I can't believe you didn't tell me that when we were there. Now you expect me to go all the way back across the mall for it? I cannot believe you."

He leaned over and spoke to Rysa, almost conspiratorially, and said, "She's been making me carry all of her bags, too."

"No!" I exclaimed. The cashier gave us a look, so I had said, more quietly. "He's refused to let me carry any of them."

He looked guilty for a second before flexing his arms and saying, "Well, you don't get to look like this by just lazing around." Once he finally got serious again and picked out a pair of shoes that he liked, it was late afternoon and we were both starving, so after some more hugs and photos, he had separated from Rysa, and now we were sitting at one of those double tables in the food court.

We both had smoothies from Orange Julius, and we were sharing a box of sugar cinnamon pretzel bites from Annie's. We were discussing whether to get Subway or pizza, and I was sucking up the courage to ask him about the other day, when it happened – Someone screamed. I couldn't tell if it was a spoiled child or what, but I felt myself instantly transported back to the train station.

The running. The yelling. The lights, the alarms. I rested my head in my hands, concentrating on my pretzels until they went blurry, trying to calm myself down, but it didn't work – My stomach hurt, I couldn't get enough air in, I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Liv?" Andy asked, but I couldn't speak, words were too much right now. "Are you okay?"

All I could do was focus on getting in air – The people and lights and sounds were suddenly too much on my senses. Then Andy was by my side, making me take a sip of my smoothie, telling me to take deep breaths as he counted, and that everything would be okay – That I wasn't in danger, I was safe, he was here, and I wasn't alone. I looked into his eyes, held his hands, squeezing them as if I could somehow transport the panic out of myself.

We stayed like that, my knees up against my chest on the chair, him squatting on the ground, holding both of my hands, counting in-2-3-4, out-2-3-4-5 with me, until I could finally breathe on my own again.

"Are you feeling better now?' He asked, genuine concern pooled up in his eyes. I nodded. My heartbeat had almost returned back to normal – But I was exhausted again now, and more than ready to leave.

"Can we go back home?" I asked, my voice small.

"By home, do you mean..." He began.

"The flat," I clarified, and he did a little half-smile. We were halfway through the parking lot when I spoke again.

"Andy?"

"Yeah?" he asked. I took a deep, shaky breath before continuing.

"Why did you want me to leave?" I had put the clues together and reached the conclusion myself.

"Who told you that?" He asked, the anger apparent on his face. After yesterday, the expression scared me.

"Nobody." My voice came out squeaky, like a cartoon mouse. "I just...I heard a lot of things pointing to it." He didn't look mad anymore, just tired.

"I love you, Liv. You know that. But...Do we really have to talk about it now?"

"Yeah, I think so." I surprised myself by how firmly it came out. He closed his eyes, let out a big breath. For the first time all day, I could clearly see how much everything was weighing down on him.

We walked over to a bench right outside the mall, and he waited a few minutes before starting, as if gathering up the courage to say what needed to be said. He very rarely kept secrets from me, in all of the many years that I'd known him, so I knew that this had to be something big. The day had taken a turn to the cooler side, and if the clouds gathering in the sky were any indication, rain would be coming down soon.

"I only wanted you to go, because...Well, I did something that I was worried you would find out about, although I guess there's no hiding it from you now. I just didn't want you to be worried about me, and, I know that it's stupid, but it was my way of protecting you."

"Andy?" I asked, cautiously. "What did you do?"

Clues and conversations and text messages and all, I don't think anything could've prepared me for what he said next.